...one of which enters at that moment: Jackie, in a very short black skirt, with some crazy good legs. Jackie's got some gams on her. The view's not bad. Elton turns around, coming face to face with Jackie's stomach, so to speak, and jumps to his feet: "Here we are! A little reward for my favorite handyman." Her makeup is a thousand Christmas lights glowing in every direction, her hair is bouncy, her chest is aggressively in attendance. She hands Elton a glass of red wine. He protests that he's driving, and she tells him he can always get a cab...or whatever, they can see what happens. He finally agrees, and they toast and take a drink. He asks if it's French, and she says that the French are good at a lot of different things. If it were any other lady, this would be squicky, but it's Jackie: it's sweet and cool at best. I say go for it. "Is it from Rose?" asks Elton, about the wine. "I mean, is she in France?" She looks him in the eye: "My daughter won't be coming back tonight. Just in case you're wondering. We've got the place to ourselves." Right, says Elton, and from the living room issue the dulcet and horrifying tones of Il Divo, singing a Spanish version of "Un-Break My Heart." If the TARDIS were here, if the Doctor were here, if we weren't defined by the absence of the Doctor this week. If those left behind weren't defined by absence every day, this is what you would hear: "Don't leave me in all this pain/ Don't leave me out in the rain/ Come back and bring back my smile...Un-break my heart/ Say you'll love me again/ Undo this hurt you caused/ When you walked out the door/ And walked out of my life...Take back that sad word, goodbye/ Bring back the joy to my life...Time is so unkind/ And life is so cruel..." God forbid that I assign some great meaning to this awful song, much less to Il Divo, but come on. That's fucking brilliant. "Time is so unkind"? Drink. "You were saying...power surges?" Jackie advances like the Oncoming Shag, and Elton backs away. "From the substation, yeah." Jackie aims a power surge at Elton directly from her substation: "Is that why it gets so hot in here?" Which it is not. "Should take your jacket off," she purrs, and immediately spills wine down Elton's shirt. All the classics. "I've ruined it!" she says, and he protests again and again that it's fine; she offers to put it in the wash, and he says it's only a drop. So she pours her entire glass of wine all over him, not even pretending now. Smashing down walls with a twinkle in her eye. "Oh...There now: ruined."
Episode Report CardJacob Clifton: B+ | 1390 USERS: C+
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