"So there I was, with that thing going RAAAAH!" -- cut to the motherfucking monster again, because everything's à go-go and videologue ADD hipsterism pop apocalypse -- and then the Doctor jumps up behind the door, brandishing a pork chop. The beast turns to the Doctor, who hisses at Elton to vanish, and continues to tease the thing until Rose comes blundering in with a blue steaming bucket of something, which she flings onto the creature, which howls and clutches its eyes. The Doctor: "Wrong one! You made it worse!" Rose protests that he said the blue one, and the Doctor says he said "not blue," which causes Rose to whimper timorously as the beastie turns to her, and then take off down the hallway again. The monster, Rose, and the Doctor all suddenly disappear, leaving Elton holding the silence. Then there's something so fucking obnoxious, so abjectly humiliating to watch as a viewer and as a fan, that I don't even know if I can...Hey, this is Jacob from the future, taking over for a second through the power of word processing. I just finished the recap and I think I can handle this part better, now that I am drunk. What an angry kid I was back then! So this scene seemed to have been about a billion times longer on initial viewing than it actually is, but to be fair, it combines every single thing I hate: Benny fucking Hill and Scooby-Doo and patented Doctor Who running about. The only thing missing is the fucking Black Eyed Peas and some bodily functions. Yeah, I get that Elton is like this, and you might well be too, and no worse for it, but man it does a number on my head. Elton stares in shock as the Doctor, Rose, and the beast all chase each other screaming back and forth across the screen: The monster chases the Doctor one way, then Rose in the other, then both of them; then Rose turns on the monster with a red bucket, chasing his ass in one direction and then the other, and the Doctor chases them...and everything stops. Everything ends, when the Doctor looks harder at Elton and stops, confused: "Hold on...don't I know you?"
Episode Report CardJacob Clifton: B+ | 1390 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT