Doctor Who
New Earth

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: B- | 6 USERS: B
YOU GRADE IT
Still My Happening, Still Freaks Me Out

There's a patient who is completely red that they pass by, in Ward 26, as Jatt's explaining that the Sisters of Plenitude take a lifelong vow "to help, and to mend." There's a very fat man, the Duke of Manhattan, who is turning slowly and inexorably to stone. Near him stands his assistant, Frau Clovis, who is an a-hole. "Excuse me! Members of the public may only gaze upon the Duke of Manhattan with written permission from the Senate of New New York." Whatever: it's about faces, and touching. The Duke of Manhattan is turning into stone, suffering from a stiffening of the face -- petrifold regression, the Doctor calls it. Manhattan smiles: "I'm dying, sir. A lifetime of charity and abstinence," he chuckles ironically, "and it ends like this." Clovis bitches and whatever. Sister Jatt leads the Doctor away, saying that the Duke'll be "up and about in no time," and the Doctor begs to differ: "There won't be a cure for...oh, a thousand years? He might be up and about, but only as a statue." Sister Jatt tells him to shove it, and find that the person he's supposed to be visiting. The Doctor looks around and finally sees him: The Face of Bo. The last twenty-odd years have not been kind to him. I mean, he's a six-foot-tall Angry Tiki face that looks like Masters Of The Maze, in a jar. So it's relative.

Jatt hands the Doctor over to Novice Hame, who is a cat nun and has lovely eyes. The Doctor asks Jatt to see if she can locate Rose Tyler, and then he and Novice Hame consider the Face. "I'm afraid the Face of Bo's asleep. That's all he tends to do these days..." She asks if they're friends or what, and the Doctor says they were on Platform One together. "I'm so sorry, I thought you knew. The Face of Bo is dying...old age. The one thing we can't cure. He's thousands of years old. Some people say millions, although that's impossible." The Doctor smiles and kneels before the Face of Bo: "I like impossible." He calls to the Face of Bo and announces himself; the Face of Bo sighs, but doesn't answer.

Rose finds herself entering a room on the wall of which there is projected a party scene, a home movie, so glamorous: Cassandra when she was more than just a CGI face. "I mean, you never know what your life's going to be like! Ever! I'm bored with this drink!" She hands her drink off, to someone. "Anyway -- oh, hello darling! Now, don't! Stop it!" She pushes a man away, flirtatiously; Rose realizes that it's her. She spins around and sees Cassandra, Chip shivering beside her: "Peekaboo!" Rose holds up her metal and tells Cassandra not to come near her. "What do you think I'm going to do? Flap you to death?" Rose gestures at "Gollum," but Cassandra assures her that he's just her "pet." Yuck. She does the whole "moisturize me, moisturize me" pants, and he squirts her. "He's not even a proper life-form, he's a force-grown clone. I modeled him on my favorite pattern...But he's so faithful. Chip sees to my physical needs." Rose hopes that means food, and not sex, and she asks how come Cassandra's still alive. "After you murdered me," Cassandra grunts, and Rose protests that it was Cassandra's own fault. "The brain of my mistress survived," smarms Chip, "and her pretty blue eyes were salvaged from the bin." Cassandra flutters her eyes; she's still a bitchy trampoline. I hate her in this form. Rose laughs about how funny it was when Cassandra exploded and was ripped apart by her own dry stresses. "That piece of skin was taken from the front of my body. This piece is the back." So, Rose figures, she's talking out her -- "...Ask not." Sigh. Twice in one episode. Make it three and it's a motif, something about joined-up talking. "The mistress was lucky to survive. Chip secreted milady into the hospital...Chip steals medicine, helps milady. Soothes her. Strokes her..." He raises a hand to stroke Cassandra, and Rose tells him to stop right there. I don't know. Hands on the trampoline!

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