Doctor Who
Planet Of The Dead

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: F | 1557 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
Charmless In Abaddon

Malcolm calls to heavy-breathe about the Doctor some more, and UNIT lady is like, "Hey, by any chance does this expanding wormhole constitute a danger to our planet? Because, like, I'm in UNIT?" The Doctor hangs up on her instead of answering the question, because he knows that no answer he gives her will stop her from immediately jumping to some retarded conclusion and blowing up the universe, because that's always how UNIT rolls.

What's so frustrating is that important shit happens in this story -- for example, Lady Christina says aloud what I think will be the key phrase to the entire 2009 series of specials -- but we can't talk about that yet, because I always get yelled at for using my intuition to figure that stuff out without saying SPOILER WARNING, even though it's not actually a spoiler, just putting things together a child could figure out, so let's just say this episode will be, I think, much more important, but no less shitty, in retrospect.

Meanwhile the interchangeable people have run down the bus's engine trying to make it start, despite knowing that it won't start. The Doctor ignores their panicked calls so they can look at a hologram of the things making up the storm, which are basically these huge metal manta rays that look unsurprisingly like Pitch Black monsters, and the Doctor and Christina figure out that they are able to traverse the wormholes because they are made of metal, and that presumably they want to use the wormhole now to get to Earth and turn it into sand. The Doctor unconvincingly talks himself into figuring out -- get this -- that the beasts can fly so fast around and around a planet that they create the wormholes, or some such nonsense.

The Doctor and Christina agree that they only feel completely alive when things are super shitty, and they crush irritatingly on each other for awhile and then run back to the bus, toward which the monsters are also swarming, and where the one psychic lady is being psychic. "The girl," she says inconsequentially, "She will fly." If you're thinking she means in the mouth of a horrible manta ray, I'd uncross those fingers now. Christina explains irritatingly that the Doctor's missing the point, which is that there's some other reason than the beasties that the Tritovores crashed, because it wasn't a wormhole that did it to them. The Doctor discusses this with the flies, and figures out that they have some kind of a crystal setup that makes things fly, so they run around like lunatics and -- in case you thought there was some kind of second level on which anybody associated with this episode had an ounce of dignity -- explains that they can drive the bus using this crystal, "in a super-clever outer-spacey way."

Doctor Who

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