Whatever, it's so stupid. So Amy, having picked up his worst habits, grabs Liz's hand and smashes it down on the ABDICATE button instead of explaining her thought processes or anything that would make this episode less arbitrary and silly, and Liz is like WOT and Doctor's like WOT and Amy's like, "Wot? Y'know w'ah mean" and then it turns out that this whole pointless plot has been for naught because in fact, she has figured out, the SPACEWHALE! is actually kind and doesn't need to be abused. Yes, that's right:

DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE SERVANT CLASS, THEY LOVE IT. FRANKLY, THEY'D DO IT FOR FREE!

Turns out way back when Earth was getting solar-fried, all the nations of Earth except for some reason Britain and North Ireland got left behind. Literally everybody built a spaceship without benefit of SPACEWHALE! except for this one island and extra Anglican part of an island. And I guess the rest of the entire world was like, "Seeya! Thanks for Eddie and Pats, suckas!"

And Starship NAFTA was all about beating up on Mexico and Canada added an arm, and they called it the Starship Sprawl because eventually William Gibson will always be right, and Starship Indian Subcontinent handled tech support, and Starship Scandinaviasdottir was like, "Stop being weird, Iceland!" and Starship Israel found the time to plant a bunch of trees while beating up Starship Palestine and Starship NAFTA Sprawl was like "We're not sure how we feel about that but Starship Brasil better stop touching my junk" and Starship Kiwi was like, "We're not fucking Australia!" and even in the midst of all this, nobody cared about Starship UK with their weird little dinghy the Welsh Starship Dyffyrddwigwamddankyumam. So they were fucked.

But then -- JUST LIKE THE ALIEN DOCTOR ALL ALONE IN SPACE -- the STARWHALE! heard the British children crying out, some for potatoes and others for fried intestine, and decided to rescue them. So it made all manner of ridiculous SPACEWHALE! noises, and couldn't let them keep crying, so it offered itself as a living breathing carnival attraction, with the one caveat that you not torture it and set up incredibly complicated memory clone scenarios with a bunch of Very Important Ethical Buttons, but I guess that last part got lost somewhere along the way, because for no reason the Starship UK decided to thank its STARWHALE! underbelly by subjecting it to horrific pain and feeding it normal people, delicious, and also children, which it simply would not eat, because why? Because it's JUST LIKE THE DOCTOR and CRYING CHILDREN.