Doctor Who

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: F | 4 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Starwhales Should Be Afraid Of Their People

Anyway, Amy jumps down the hole and Mandy doesn't. Mandy's horrified. Doesn't even want to talk about it. Which is exactly where Amy belongs, because she's more "fuck it" than the Doctor ever was. He's not her boyfriend -- she's getting married, "most definitely," a long time ago tomorrow morning, hopefully before this season ties itself together -- and before Mandy's done screaming she's in the tent, which becomes Wardrobe-like something new: A tentacle, draped in social interest cloth. And she backs up, without standing up, on her heels, away from it, and when she comes back there's standing in the circle a bunch of Winders, the monk ones, wearing an onyx ring that will never mean anything. And she loses consciousness.

Meanwhile the Doctor is hopping around even lower, listening to the hiss and the smell of the starship's works, confused and wondering about the glass of water before him: The way it doesn't move, or vibrate. The red-cowl woman, masked, talks to him like an operative, and asks what it means to him, why he looked at the waterglass and came here, to the engine room: No movement, no ripples. He shows Red Riding Hood the empty pointless cupboards and shelving, all the pieces that should make the UK move, disconnected and sparking into space. If the engine was working, they agree, the water would ripple. But it doesn't. (Never mind that what's actually moving the ship, in a hundred ways, would do this for them.) "The impossible truth in a glass of water," the masked figure says, and just like that we accept as an "impossible truth," only observable through the irritating actions of the Doctor, according to the script.

She tells him to keep quiet, because "they're everywhere," and they go on to have a conversation that is every bit as elliptical and annoying as anything he's said before. The glasses of water don't X, therefore something is Y. They talk about this at length, but don't really say anything, because that would give away the immense and ridiculous magic truth behind it all. And just when she's acting as insufferable as the Doctor, agreed that "the impossible truth" they've both mentioned several times and we're not allowed to know about exists, and how there's a "darkness at the heart of this nation," she takes off again, saying only that she's Liz 10, and will pop back up for no real reason at no real time, later in the narrative, because she's a huge secret for no reason at all.

Ignore the menacing ten Winders (monk guys) from the last time we saw her, they've all left Amy alone because the only point was to make the scene break fascinating and exciting, but have no effect on the story, as it happens. Amy wakes up in a particular place with one of those Smilers watching her, and it welcomes her to a voting booth. She's identified as Amelia Jessica Pond, age 1,306, and therefore -- she's lovely in this moment -- eligible to vote. Takes a while to verify her marital status, keeping her and us on tenterhooks, before telling her the only truth she is allowed to know given the particulars of this show and Doctor and season: Unknown.

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Doctor Who

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