MONDO EXTRAS

"You cut my hand off," the Doctor says, and Caliban prances around, delightedly. The Doctor stands. "And now I know what sort of man I am. I'm lucky. Because quite by chance, I'm still within the first fifteen hours of my regeneration cycle. Which means I've got just enough residual cellular energy...to do this." He regrows the hand. All the pain and change of the classic quest, but with a little cheat: Time Lords don't have to follow the rules, because they are simultaneously the heroes and the NPCs of the quest story. It's one of the awesome things about having a show where there's always an Earth POV character: the Doctor gets to be fantastic all the time, even when he's failing. "Witchcraft!" yells the son of Sycorax, and the Doctor grins: "Time Lord." Rose snags another sword from the Unkindness and tosses it, yelling, "Doctor!" He grins, catches it easily, and spins around. "Oh, so I'm still the Doctor then?" She smiles, and I guess case closed: "No arguments from me!"

"Wanna know the best bit?" the Doctor asks Caliban, "This new hand...it's a fightin' hand!" I believe that this is what's known elsewhere as a "Texan" accent. I...cannot confirm or deny that. Although generally it would be more described as the "accent of an inbred retard." So the Fightin' Hand and the Doctor buckle eleven and a half more swashes, and finally he jabs Caliban in the tummy with the sword's pommel, causing everybody watching outside to go "Ooooh," and then Caliban groans, so the Doctor does it three times in all, and finally Caliban drops to the edge. The Doctor puts the sword to Caliban's throat, point-down: "I win." Caliban chokes and tells the Doctor just to kill him. "I'll spare your life if you'll take this champion's command: leave this planet, and never return. What do you say?" The Doctor is fucking not kidding around; his face is very hard and very scary. "Swear on the blood of your species." Blood, and words. "I swear."