Doctor Who

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: B- | 7 USERS: A
YOU GRADE IT
Joe Le Taxi

The redhead continues to observe the Doctor -- who is chained to a radiator just opposite the mysterious hidden door concept to which we still haven't been properly introduced -- in her miniskirt and tiny bowler hat. (I must admit I was confused, although not as much as some.) She tells him that he's speaking to the person who lives in the house, that she's both the tenant and the police, and he asks her then how many rooms there are. Why? "Because it will change your life." He says things like this constantly, with only hotness and dramatic skill making it anything less than embarrassing.

She counts the rooms -- five -- and he directs her to the sixth, just behind her: "Exactly where you don't want to look. Where you never want to look." (Jacob crack, as we all know by now, but without the follow-through of it being anything but a narrative bridge to symbolic nowhere.) She finally glimpses it, out of the corner of her eye, and he explains the sixth door carries a "perception filter" (was it the Preachers that used those?) that makes the eye slide away. The woman is grossed out! "But that's a whole room! That's a whole room I've never even noticed!" Right, because of the filter. Zero's got himself a room to rent.

The Doctor demands that the woman uncuff him, and she admits she's lost the key. He's confused, because he still thinks that she's a policewoman, and then terrified as she makes her way toward the secret door without even pausing to worry about it. He screams and screams at her, and she totally ignores him, to the point where he's as scared as he is annoyed, and he realizes that the screwdriver's probably close to the door, where she knocked him out. It's not there, just like there's nothing there, and he reminds her that if she couldn't see the door, why would she be able to see the terrible thing, and begs her to get out of the mysterious room immediately.

She finds the screwdriver on a dusty table -- Zero is not a good housekeeper at all -- and the Doctor continues to scream at her from the hallway, struggling against the radiator like a little kid at bedtime, as she gets more and more intrigued and less and less worried.

Of course, there's the thing right behind her: A silly sort of snake thing reared up behind her with a million teeth. Like the Weeping Angels, or their opposite, she's safe as long as she doesn't look at it. But because she's Amy Pond, knowing thus just makes her look at it. It's awful, she screams, it tries to strike, and she comes running back out into the hallway. She hands the screwdriver over to the Doctor while Zero hangs out in the secret door for no real reason, and he sonics himself out. The doorway starts glowing while he rubs his screwdriver, and then she admits that she's not got backup coming, because she's not a real policewoman: She's a kissogram.

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Doctor Who

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