Doctor Who

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: B- | 7 USERS: A
YOU GRADE IT
Joe Le Taxi

The secret door pops open, and a stocky unshaven bloke with a big black dog comes out. The dog is growling, Amy thinks at first, but soon realizes they're both growling and barking: One creature, taking the form of two creatures. (Brilliant. I love this bit. Could have been its own episode, but no.) "Clever old Multiform," the Doctor chuckles, and makes fun of him screwing up the voice. "Where did you get the pattern from? You'd need a psychic link, a live feed. How did you fix that?" Coma patients, clearly.

The snarls echo all over the place, and the Doctor tells him to "stay," and there's a bunch of back and forth about how they have backup coming, but they don't really -- "That was a clever lie to save our lives," he hisses -- so then he changes tack and says there's no backup, which is now why they're safe, because they're not a threat. Whenever anything happens, Amy goes, "What?" It's sort of funny, but this episode is catchphrase central so it's also sort of obnoxious and coked-up first-drafty. This goes on a while, and then the voice from the crack echoes through the sky: "Attention, Prisoner Zero. The human residence is surrounded..." Backup. The Doctor explains that they do have backup after all, and that's why they're safe. "Prisoner Zero will vacate the human residence or the human residence will be incinerated."

They run! Bad guy stares out of the window over the back door with a seriously angry face, and they hang out outside. His clothes are all kinds of messed up, since for him this episode has been even shorter than it was for us so far. In addition to the screwed up screwdriver, the TARDIS is also screwed up, so no help there. While running around and yelling -- and the voice of the prison guard echoing, and the bloke growling -- they discuss how her options, post-cricket batting, were to dress up like policewoman or a French maid, and they review the whole plot to this point just in case you were bored to death.

The Doctor sees the rebuilt shed, and gets confused: Where did it come from, and why is it ten -- he sniffs, it's actually twelve -- years old? Because he's twelve years late. He asks over and over again why she said it had only been six months, and finally she screams in his face, "Why did you say five minutes?" It's very sad, and she's very angry, and that's the first time that you realize she is impressively fucked up.

Him too. "What?" he asks, again and again, as she pulls him all through the village Leadworth, away from the house. She's angry, she hit him with a cricket bat, she lost twelve years to him, she went through four psychiatrists, biting each and every one. And why, besides her total awesomeness, did she do this? "They said you weren't real."

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Doctor Who

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