Craig spots Sophie's keys, which she's forgotten once again, and takes them to the door to call her name, saying to himself quietly, again and again, "I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you!" But the face at the door is not Sophie, it's the Doctor. "I love you!" he shouts, as anyone would in their right mind, and the Doctor grins brilliantly. "Good!" And then he's ready to move in. The Lodger, you see, the eponymous and titular, is the good Doctor himself. Craig's confused, because he just put up the advertisement and didn't even put his address on it.
"Well, aren't you lucky I came along? More lucky than you know! Less of a young professional -- more of an ancient amateur -- but frankly I'm an absolute dream." Ancient amateur. That's wonderful. Craig's not entirely sure about any of this, but you know how long that's gonna last, and tries to snatch back Sophie's keys. Without really acknowledging any of this, the Doctor hands him a big jolly bag full of that pretend money they have over there.
"Don't spend it all on sweets. Unless you like sweets. I like sweets," the Doctor says, giving Craig a big old hello kiss, because that's what men do I guess, when they are alone. And nobody has to know. "I'm the Doctor. Well, they call me the Doctor, I don't know why. I call me the Doctor too. Still don't know why." Manic, insane, touching everything, being wonderful, thirty cute faces a minute, the promise that every roommate story has a shower scene in it, the bounty of it all. Who lives upstairs? Some bloke. Normal looking, very quiet. (So, clearly, like every episode this season, perception filter. Although the Bad Guy in this episode, correct me if I'm wrong, is never actually explained? We'll get there.)
Craig notices the Doctor noticing the ceiling stain and gets defensive, but the Doctor offers to fix it himself. The Doctor, he has not calmed down yet: "I'll fix it. I'm good at fixing rot. Call me the Rotmeister. No, I'm the Doctor, don't call me the Rotmeister." Well, he is good at fixing rot. And compliments. He tells Craig how lovely and impeccable is his parlor, and begs to stay. Craig offers to, you know, show him the room, and the Doctor's like, "The room? My room? Oh yes, my room! My room, take me to my room!"
I cannot think of a person on earth that I would not murder for this shit, in about half the time we've already spent, but somehow the Doctor... Oh, he is just dreamy in this one. And clearly there is something going on. I mean, the manic is just because he's nuts, but clearly there's a reason for him to be here, and a reason he already knows that we don't know, so his lack of interest in the room itself is not only a funny moment but also a clue confirming what we already were probably thinking. Don't you love watching a TV show that allows you to think, and actually watch the story unfold? (Don't you love watching a story unfold that is actually a story?)