Doctor Who

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 2 USERS: A+
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Common People Like Me

Hours later, Craig wakes up refreshed... And having missed the meeting by a mile. He goes running into work, screaming at himself and apologizing profusely to his boss, until he notices the Doctor at his desk, on his phones, talking shit to his ruder clients. "Craig, how are you feeling? Had some time to kill, I was curious, never worked in an office. Never worked in anywhere." Craig tries to throttle him, but bossman tells him to be nice. "Leave off the Doctor, I love the Doctor! He was brilliant in the planning meeting."

Craig is nonplussed, but the Doctor claims he was there as Craig's representative, and that in fact the rude clients just aren't that important anymore, now that Craig is winning at life. Sophie brings the Doctor custard creams, and says she's applied as a volunteer already, for a wildlife charity. Everybody is sort of shiny and bright and delighted with themselves, as you can imagine: What if the Doctor came to your work for like one day? That would be the most awesome day! He orders Craig back to bed, and gets weird on the phone some more: "Hello, Mr. Joergensen! Can you hold? I have to eat a biscuit!"

When Craig, upper lip stiff as all get out, returns to kick the Doctor out -- for making his dreams come true, for giving Sophie life, for changing everything -- the Doctor is busy in a meeting of his own. With a housecat.

"Have you been upstairs? Yes? You can do it. Show me what's up there? What's behind that door? Try to show me. Oh, that doesn't make sense! Ever see anyone go up there? Lots of people? Good good. What kind of people? People who never come back down. That's very bad."

Even if he looked like the Doctor, even if he made omelets and changed the lives of all my friends, I'm afraid having weirdo conversations with animals would be something of a dealbreaker. We would need to have a talk. But Craig, he is dunzo. "I can't take this anymore. I want you to go. You can have this back, and all," he says, handing over the rent bag. And why? Because everybody loves him, and the soccer game, and he seems to excel at Craig's job, and now Sophie's all about the monkeys, and what about this bicycle sculpture in the bedroom? (Be honest, that's annoying. It goes on the list.) "It's art! A statement on modern society, ooh, ain't modern society awful?" See? On the list.

The conversation goes on for quite a while, Craig nearly weeping with anger and a sort of pent-up powerlessness, and the Doctor responding by getting weirder and more elliptical with every comment, begging-without-begging Craig to let him stay. Finally, without options and balanced on top of a crazy amount of stuff to deal with, the Doctor just rears back and headbutts himself into Craig's brain. It's pretty amazing. Craig staggers back, full of sudden knowledge: Timelords and TARDISes and regenerations. Something that always came across as deeply intimate, like with Reinette, pub hooligan style: Brilliant. Just amazing. Welcome home.

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Doctor Who

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