Doctor Who
The Parting Of The Ways (2)

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 3 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
All The Umbrellas In London

"They survived through me," says a creepy voice. It's like a Dalek voice, but not neurotic, pretty deep. Kind of Bad Wolfy, actually. The Doctor turns around and suddenly a towering shape is lit up: A huge monster of a Dalek, that purple vomit guy inside a clear tank with a giant Dalek head dome on top and buttresses going up with those bumps on them. It sounds silly and I guess it should be. Maybe it's the way it's lit, but it is actually very scary and you don't really have time to think to yourself, "purple vomit with buttresses." The Doctor answers the Excellent Question nobody asked: "Rose, Captain. This is the Emperor of the Daleks." I was confused that the Doctor knew that, but there have been other Emperors, it turns out, and the Emperor doesn't actually call himself that at any point, because as expected, he calls himself "God." God explains that the Doctor's "inferno" did, in fact, take the Daleks out, but his ship survived the inferno and he lived and just went bouncing through time. Just like the other one. Who committed suicide. These are the options? Kill yourself or become God? Even purple vomits need mood stabilizers sometimes.

Well. The same thing happened to the Doctor, surviving and getting bounced around after the War, and we don't know for sure that he didn't do one or both at some point after that. I wonder what happened to the Eight Doctor? Lots of people have pointed out that his weird behavior at Rose's house the day they met might mean that he had just regenerated that day. I don't want to think about it. That's too much pain for anybody. The Doctor starts to tell Him that they get it, because they already went through it in 2012, and the other less-awesome Daleks freak on him not to interrupt. The Companions jump, but the Doctor's not having it: "I'm the Doctor. If there's one thing I can do, it's talk. I've got five billion languages, and you haven't got one way of stopping me. So if anybody's gonna shut up, it's you!" I don't necessarily understand the logic there, but I don't suppose you need to speak Doctor to translate it. The "fuck off some more" comes through pretty clear -- clear enough that that Daleks kind of shuffle back a little bit. He smiles back up at God: "Okey doke. So, where were we?"

God: "We waited here in the dark space, damaged but rebuilding. Centuries passed, and we quietly infiltrated the systems of Earth. Harvesting the waste of humanity. The prisoners, the refugees, the dispossessed -- they all came to us." And remember that a hundred years ago, the Doctor engineered the perfect fertile ground for the Gamestation, and it got easier. God continues: "The bodies were filtered, pulped, sifted. The seed of the Human Race is perverted. Only one cell in a billion was fit to be nurtured." Rose starts getting kind of barfy in the face. She hates it when you use corpses for fun. The Doctor clarifies that the new army of Daleks is made of human dead folks, and Rose -- clearly a biology major, if she hadn't dropped out -- suggests that this means the Daleks are "half human." God calls these words "blasphemy," and the Daleks say the weirdest thing they ever said: "Do not blaspheme!" I like it, but I don't like it, because like I said last week, I don't want them blunted. Seeing them following this doctrinaire weirdness about God and whatever makes me somehow sad. But then, he's not really God, and they're not really Daleks. Not that He'd agree on either point: "Everything human has been purged. I cultivated pure and blessed Dalek." The Doctor wonders how the Daleks can even conceive of blasphemy, and he's very creeped out, because it's very creepy to hear them talk like that. God: "I reached into the dirt and made new life. I am the God of all Daleks!" The Doctor's like, "Fuck." He was not expecting that. How could you? He's seen the Daleks go crazy a bunch of times in a bunch of places, but never anything this stupid.

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Doctor Who

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