Doctor Who
The Second Coming, Part I

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A | Grade It Now!
Reach Out And Touch Crazy

Steve turns away, winded, and downloads the epilogue: "And don't argue." Dave stares up at the screen, in the pub. "All you Christians out there, don't go 'round saying you were right..." -- Fiona stares -- "...And everybody else was wrong. Forget all that, all those divisions..." Judith and Peter staring up. "All that history, all that bollocks. Forget it, it's gone. Forgotten. It's starting again from scratch right now, because you've got to. I've seen it." That's all God ever offered -- the opportunity to drop the fight. Zoom in on the TV. "You stupid, stupid people. I've seen what you've done. It's finally happened." He raises his arms to the sky and screams. "Heaven is empty, and Hell is bursting at the seams!"

Whoa there, Steve. There are immediate riots of an amazing nature outside the station. Good Cop (his name is Officer Chadwick, but I don't remember when we find that out) introduces Steve to his new place: a big empty warehouse area on the upper level of the station. It was going to be converted into offices, but now he can have it. A regular cell, beyond the sucking part, would also cause a holy war. "...Those that aren't declaring holy war already," he smiles. He starts getting things set up for Steve, and offers him a cup of tea. "So what happens now? This Third Testament, what do we do? Sit down and write it together? How does that work? We all write, and you pick the best one?" Steve's like, "I'll know it when I see it," but that's not enough for Chadwick. "How will you get to see it?" And Steve begins to weep: "I don't know." The wrong person is driving. It's hard to watch, especially after the manic episode we just got through.

Later, they bring in that hideous mattress from before, causing me to weep as well. Steve sits in the middle of chaos as the staff sets everything up: bed, television cameras, boxes of Testaments already arriving. A woman with a clipboard drops her purse on a chair, and Steve snags her phone.

Elsewhere, I get a very bad feeling as they draw some intense blood from Frank. I've seen this one before, Carpenter Joe. If they start talking about midichlorians, I'm dumping this thing mid-recap. Francis leaves the office where they took the blood, in the company of a violently cute cop kid named Simon. He's going to be evil, I just know it. The camera is too into him. Simon sends Frank into a bathroom with a discreet file folder with porn in it. This is degrading, and I mean, we already know.

Steve sits on the bed twitching near some half-eaten British food of some kind. He calls Jude with the purloined phone, but she just sits and watches the Third Testament speech on the news. She finally picks up, and Steve gets cute: "I knew you were there!" She's like, "Where else would I be? You've ruined my anonymity." He's all, "How's things?" Um, "interesting." I love this, though. It's so real. Like, you're not going to say, "I saw you talking crazy on every channel again, Star Jones. Give my props to Lance Bass." You're going to play it cool because the guy's your Steve Baxter. Steve says he can see Jude's house from where they've got him hidden. They are both so adorable. She thanks him very much for getting her out of work: "Half the kids didn't show up; they're watching TV." He snorts that nothing's changed there, and she asks if they haven't tapped the phone. He says he's stolen a cell, but I'm so sure! They totally tapped her phone too, and she's getting phone calls from the Fallen and shit. She tells Steve he'll go to Hell for stealing that lady's phone, and I wish we'd seen him do an overt Kenobi before this so that it wouldn't keep niggling that he gets away with this crap. He says it would be nice to see her, and she points out how she can't avoid seeing him, on every channel, on every TV. He comes close to begging, and she says -- I think with a bit of practice -- "Things to do, Steve. Life doesn't stop because of you." Ouch. On the other hand, Bloody Mama, you're totally sitting on your couch eating Ben & Jerry's and watching him on TV anyway, so shut up. "...Do you believe me?" Steve finally asks. There's silence. "Just say yes or no." Just fucking say it. "No," says Jude. He accepts this, kind of, and she tells him to go on and convince her. "How's it going to work? They're all meeting. You're going to get five million Testaments, and all of them wrong." Not to mention: "I don't want that lot deciding for me anyway!" I love this girl. "'s all bollocks. It's just...look, I said I'd go 'round to Pete's." She rings off with a "take care of yourself" and a "see you." Jeez, lady. Well, was it the whole "Hell is bursting at the seams" thing? Because I kind of wanted to bust his nuts for that one.

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