Doctor Who
The Second Coming, Part I

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A | Grade It Now!
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Reach Out And Touch Crazy

Forty days later, there are bird sounds on the moor as Steve hikes over the ground, huffing and smiling and weak. A couple on the road stops inches from running him over, and he collapses, heaving and shaking on the pavement. Wife begs Husband not to touch him -- "He'll have needles in his pockets!" -- and Steve just laughs, wigging out. He whispers in the man's ear: "I'm the Son of God." "That's all right love, I'm the Queen of Sheba," says the man, and calls to his wife: "He's a nutter."

South Cross Hospital, Leeds. Steve smiles, clean and sleeping on lovely white sheets. We've been in the darkness for the last forty days. The lights in the hospital could stand to be brighter still. Steve's father, Francis Baxter -- "Francis" is a rather androgynous name, don't you think? A little XXY? Let's go with "Frank" -- goes outside with a hospital worker. "Mind you," says Frank, "his mother had problems...seeing things, heard voices..." She committed suicide ten years ago. Frank jokes about having to get a hotel room (so that we learn he's rough and cheap), and asks about a crying girl down the hall (so we know he's kind). She's crying because she's a Catholic, and the Son of God is in the news. (I didn't even know I had any Genesis, and yet: this song just came on shuffle -- is this the kind of show where that's going to happen a lot? I'll keep mum, okay, unless it's hilarious like that. I haven't heard that song in at least fifteen years.) Frank stares at the crying girl and the music goes nuts.

We follow the nurse down the hall, away from Steve, so that the music can freak out on this totally hot priest coming down the hall with his back toward us. He passes Frank, who's nodding off in a chair, and the crying girl, and I mean he is hot. Even without the +5 thing of being a priest. The music and the walking go on forever, and the priest gets to Steve's ward, scanning the faces. Finally, he finds Steve, and snaps a digital photo. Steve's eyes pop open -- very scary, especially with the music adrenaline -- and the priest runs off all crazy. (Oh, the priest guy? Doesn't actually matter so much, except for right now. He stands around looking like a Catholic priest and that's about it.)

Someone runs the photo of Steve up the stairs of the Vatican, and there is a lot of Italian yelling of a type you've seen in every movie where things happen.

Crush Bar, Manchester. My boy Mark "Clive" Benton cheers down at Jude from a balcony. I looooove Mark Benton. Love him. He's such a good actor, and I like looking at his awesome face. He plays a sadsack in this movie, and also the Devil, but it's a testament to all three main actors that he's just about as sympathetic as the other two throughout. (Ha, sorry, but it's true: I feel more sympathy for Johnny Tyler, Benton's character, in this movie than for anybody else, because ordinarily, feeling sorry for oneself is the dealbreaker, but they all feel sorry for themselves the exact same fucking amount!)

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