Doctor Who
The Second Coming, Part II

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
The Book Of Judas

Steve asks if that's really true, and Jude looks him head-on. "I liked the old Steve. Daft sod wasting his life in a video shop." Like he's so very different now. "You never said!" He woggles, and she levels. "I did, in the end. But then we got interrupted." OUCH! Home motherfucking RUN! I love how she's so good at making his religious experience look deeply inconvenient for everyone all the time, but now she's like, "And on top of it, you missed out on a shag!" Love that girl. He stares deeply, tissue in hand. And he thinks very, very hard. (Go on then, God. How come "omniscience" never includes E.Q.?) Jude stands, under the glare of his consideration, and crosses to the window, clearing her throat. Nobody turns down a shag with Eccleston. Nobody. She's mad. She drags her ring finger along the corrugated steel of the HQ wall, hard and clanging. She drags her hand back the other way, soft and quiet. She joins him on a couch.

"It's so hard to do anything in front of you. Like if I was going to punch you...or kiss you.... If everything's preordained it makes everything false." (Nope, the one thing that would shock even God is who fucks who and why. It happens in like every book in the Bible: "What? Really? But he took a third in public administration! And he subjugated the Maccabees!") Steve simultaneously says the cutest, sexiest, and most maddening thing in the entire movie: "That's if you believe in me." I'd be like, "I believe we're about to get our swerve on, if that's what you mean. Freak." But Jude's a classy bitch. She leans in for the kiss and he fiddles about, but she's not letting this slip. She caresses his face. They both look like they're in pain, and I guess after this long they are. She looks at that face forever. And she kisses him. And even the music's not sure about all this. (Meanwhile, in Austin, shuffle chooses right now to go into Bryan Adams's "Heaven," which is gay at this moment.)

Steve and Jude enter her quarters, that red bed against the stark white walls like a neon sign. They kiss. He jerks his shirt off all bothered. Fucking virgins. She's like, "Um, this is not a race, mister 'Son of God'," and he tries to chill. Makes a good go of it, poor dude. They sit on the bed and he looks at her and starts with the "lights on/lights off" questions that are just so sexy when you're sleeping with the inexperienced. He's so small. So tiny. So sweet. She advises Steve to stop with all the thinking, and kisses him for real. She climbs on top and kisses his neck, his shoulder, his chest. She gets a good two inches down before they both collapse in laughter. He gets it together and begs her not to laugh. The sense of ceremony. Jude looks down at him, lovingly, and kisses him, seriously. And they make love.

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Doctor Who




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