Doctor Who
The Unquiet Dead

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: C+ | 3 USERS: A
YOU GRADE IT
Zombie Grandma Is Way Cooler Than All Other Zombies

"Meanwhile," as though that concept applies, the TARDIS is going nuts: shaking, alarms, struggling, yelling. "Hold that one down!" the Doctor shouts, and "I'm holding this one down!" Rose shouts, and "Well, hold them both down!" shouts the Doctor, and so on. "I promised you a time machine and that's what you're getting," the Doctor tells Rose. "Now, you've seen the future -- let's have a look at the past. 1860. How does 1860 sound?" What happened in 1860? He has no idea: "Let's find out! Hold on!" They go all TARDIS-y through the time vortex.

Back in 1860, Mr. Sneed is sweating bullets due to his shittiness at his job, and the creepy screaming dead people, and still yelling for Gwyneth. I hope she has kung fu skills or something. That grandma was not screwing around. Gwyneth shows up looking not so hardcore, with some complicated hair and a fine set of choppers. Sneed tells her to get the horse and carriage ready, because Old Mother Redpath is laying a patch. Gwyneth has a similarly blasé, inconvenienced reaction, albeit with a hint of scandal: "Mr. Sneed, for shame! How many more times? It's ungodly!" Sneed and his muttonchops are like, "Not my fault!" He points out that grandma was eighty-six, so she can't be moving all that fast -- except, she was also dead, so I think the rules are a little bendy today. "What about Mr. Redpath?" Gwyneth asks. "Did you deal with him?" Sneed, again with the gallows humor: "No. She did." Daaamn. How'd Sneed get so hard? Gwyneth tells him he's awful, but begs his forgiveness for mentioning that "this is getting beyond, now." Sneed nods, so I don't know why all the bowing and scraping, but Gwyneth is all about going to get help. Sneed thinks that can wait until they've recaptured the screaming, glowing, ass-kicking old dead lady. He tells Gwyneth to "stop prevaricating," a word I do not think means what he thinks it means -- wait, no, there's an archaic meaning: "to fuck around" -- and then says, awesomely, "Girl, get the hearse ready. We're going body-snatching."

The TARDIS materializes on a deserted street in the snow. This doesn't look like Naples, it looks like the one set they built, from a second ago. The Doctor and Rose are lying on the floor laughing, with green light and steam and smoke all over the place, I guess about how they didn't die. "Blimey!" says Rose, and the Doctor's like, "I know, right?" He checks the screens and confirms that they're in Naples, on December 24th, 1860. He giggles, and Rose smiles wonderingly: "That's so weird...it's Christmas!" The Doctor gestures toward the door -- "All yours!" Rose is still sequential-processing the fact that it's Christmas in 1860: "Happens once. Just once, and it's gone. It's finished. It'll never happen again. Except for you." Rose studies the Doctor intensely. I love how, in each episode, she realizes what's going on just a bit more. I'm betting that, by mid-season, she'll have caught on to the fact that the Doctor's a guy. She goes on: "You can go back and see days that are dead and gone, and a hundred thousand sunsets ago...no wonder you never stay still." He allows as how it's not a bad life, and Rose smiles for a second. "...Better with two." Aww, Companions! They grin conspiratorially for a bit, and then she smacks his bum and heads for the door full tilt. The Doctor stops her up short: "Oi, oi, oi! Where do you think you're going?!" She's like, "1860! Yeah!" And he tells her that if she leaves dressed like Rose Tyler, she'll start a riot. He then calls her "Barbarella," I guess just by comparison, and tells her to check out the Wardrobe Room: "First left, second right, third on the left, go straight ahead, under the stairs, past the bins, it's the fifth door on your left. Hurry up!" Rose runs off to get changed, all in a bustle, and the Doctor stares after, full of affection.

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