Doctor Who
The Unquiet Dead

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: C+ | 4 USERS: A-
YOU GRADE IT
Zombie Grandma Is Way Cooler Than All Other Zombies

Later, Gwyneth is pouring them all tea, while Rose is yelling at Sneed that he's a roofie artist and a kidnapper and a perv: "Don't think I didn't feel your hands having a quick wander, you dirty old man!" Even the Doctor kind of giggles at this, but I don't see what's so funny about it. Gross me out. Sneed chooses now to assert his rights to consideration and respect, but Rose isn't done: "Then you stuck me in a room full of zombies! And if that ain't enough -- you swan off! And leave me to die!" Sneed says it's not his fault, because the house has always been haunted, supposedly, although it didn't get really intense until lately. Rose has a poker at this point, because she's had it up to here. Sneed: "And then the stiffs--" He breaks off at Dickens's face at this, like Dickens can handle hauntings and stuff, but calling them "stiffs" is just too too, and corrects himself: "...the er, dear departed started getting restless." My rule is that you don't hold people to any kind of level of propriety when it comes to talking about their job. Saying "stiff" in front of anybody would be weird, I guess, but if you're an undertaker, you're allowed. That's why teachers are the coolest to hang out with, because they're the meanest about little kids, and that's funny. "Tommyrot," says Dickens. Also funny. Sneed again calls Dickens's attention to reality, but Dickens isn't having it. Of course.

"And it's the queerest thing that they hang on to scraps..." says Sneed, heading into how zombies have certain imperatives that continue after death, but Gwyneth is busy being all psychic and giving the Doctor his tea with two sugars, "just how [he likes] it," and the Doctor's like, "Are you psychic or what?" Sneed continues: "One old fella who used to be a sexton almost walked into his own memorial service! Just like the old lady going to your performance, sir! Just as she planned." Dickens is...not having it, although I'm a little at a loss as to why he would find this any less believable than anything else that's going on. "Oh, Charles, you were there," scoffs the Doctor, getting tired of the skeptic act. Dickens, it should be noted, is wearing stage makeup the entire episode, which makes him about ten times more hilarious. I love that this episode seems to adore both him and the entertainments he still inspires, but is willing to admit that he's kind of a wanker. "I saw nothing but an illusion," Dickens blathers, and the Doctor tells him just to shut up then, because trying to overexplain everything is just a waste of time. Like the Doctor's never heard of continuity and doesn't know how desperately necessary it is to tie up every possible loose end in a masturbatory orgy of wasted energy.

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Doctor Who

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