After Amy's sudden horny wigout last week, the Doctor realizes that she needs a bit of a refresher course on real life and her husband-to-be, so he pops out of the cake at Rory's stag party, gets real awkward, and then takes them on a date to 16th-century Venice. Of course, the most romantic city of all time is hiding a dark secret, as well as around 99 cool-ass concepts, but the ratio of ideas-to-substance is almost perfect this week. The whole "men are like this, women are like this" thing is pretty egregious, but the technical skill with which last week's sexual cliffhanger is resolved gets points for authenticity and maturity that seemed possibly lacking before.
There's this prestigious school for young Veelas where they prance through the city in veils and parasols, which is being run by a mother/son couple of space vampires who are actually giant fish from planet Saturnyne. He's supe-creepy, she's kind of cool. And what they are dealing with is extinction, due to having escaped the Cracks and lost their planet, as well as any female breeding partners, in the process. So by turning these schoolgirls into vampires, mating them with the boy aliens all through the canals, and doing random shit to the weather, they will be able to sink and repopulate Venice.
Amy goes in undercover, resulting in a lot of running around, and Rory gets into a swordfight with the gross son/lover (by use of a "your momma" joke, naturally), but the most intense part comes when the grieving father of one failed candidate lures the Veelas into his house, where he keeps a bunch of gunpowder. So then the Doctor has to go back to the awesome vampire lady -- with whom he has a sort of wonderfully professional, cordial relationship -- and tell her that her race is extinct and her daughters are dead. She feeds herself to her sons in the canal, bumming the Doctor right out, and the three resume their journey.
Next week: Looks either very important or like it just thinks it is, but I firmly believe it's the former.
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This'll be short. Not because I hated it -- I actually really liked it -- but because I'm in a hurry and have mismanaged my time once again. I think I'm coming down with something, and I've got a train to catch. But at least I am in a good mood. Which is funny, because this is exactly the sort of lightweight episode that would have once enraged me, but for some reason -- possibly the simplicity of the story, possibly the fact that there actually is a story -- I am charmed.
So in 1580 Venice, this dude brings his late-teens daughter to a lady's school and has decided that she suddenly has no prospects because he is a boat-builder. They are both black for no reason, and the music is super-hype Godfather-type stuff, for at least two reasons. Now, I like this episode, but already you have several concepts going that need explaining before the first line has gotten finished being uttered. Apparently this is 1580 Venice, plus black people, plus the fact that they never found out about how the Black Plague ended like three hundred years ago, because this lady that runs this school has decided that they shouldn't know about that. How many lines does that entire alternate-history thing -- which pretty much derails most of human thought -- take up? One. Maybe it all goes back to the duckpond and the whole forgotten CyberKing thing, I'm not sure.
"There's no future for us," he begs the main lady. "No future but you." Which is what she wanted, is for everybody to think that she's the boss of them and their mommy. She drags it out for a while and then finally accedes. He falls all over himself with gratitude, which kind of tripped me out because it's like, yesterday: No problem. Today, though, huge problem! So they're like, "Say goodbye to Isabella," and then all of a sudden she's a member of the school. Which seems like the Veelas in Harry Potter, as most of their "classes" are like Marching Through The Streets Wearing A Veil, Swanning About In Your Underwear 101, and Being Creepy In Basements. They don't say the main lady's name like the entire episode, but it's Rosanna Calvieri, and she is awesome.
So they kick dad out of there, and everybody sort of stares at Rosanna because her dress is so amazing, and her wormy son/boyfriend takes a big old sniff of Isabella, and acts totally dorky, and swishes around all over the place and then suddenly he's got a million teeth, like a barracuda. Isabella is screwed, forsooth. Her scream turns into...