Doctor Who

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A | 2 USERS: A+
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Honeymoon In Venice

For some reason Rosanna is out in the courtyard on her knees in the amazing gown, drinking from a huge chalice which is being refilled by this guy in a silly hat. It's an amazing image but I think that's all it is. Francesco, the mewling son/lover, comes down all "We never interrupt Mummy when she's hydrating," which is sort of chilling. She reclines against a fountain and he puts his head on her lap and it's so, so gross. I wonder if that much heavy velvet rubbing against that much heavy velvet... Do you think there's a squeaking sound? I bet there's a squeak.

Wormy Francesco is nervous because of Isabella's dad, and thinks they should start the ruckus early, whatever it is. "...We've already converted more than enough. Surely it is time to introduce them to my brothers?" (Sure enough, it's what you think. Remember that Buffy with the swim team? It's like that, with the fish rape and whatnot.) Rosanna basically tells him to cram it like ten times, and stop being so weaselly and whiny and awful, and says that the plan remains: "Let them hammer on our door. Beg to be taken."

Okay. So then creepy Francesco goes off to make more theatrical movements somewhere. Meanwhile Rory is grilling Amy about what she's been doing on their pre-wedding night, and he's all, "Did you miss me?" And she's like, "Not especially," and they think about how the Doctor is totally right and he will turn you into a scary thing if you're not careful because he doesn't actually understand the idea of growth or change because he's forever, and then that's a bummer so they instantly stop thinking about it, and decide to continue their amazing date. Of course, it takes ten seconds before somebody else gets eaten -- by the creepily sneakily staring eyes of Francesco -- and Amy immediately busts into action, leaving Rory with just a little Amy-shaped cloud of her dust to deal with. Frenchy does about sixteen more ridiculous things, swishing and hissing and feinting and then... Awkwardly pushes between them in this narrow hallway, which is so hilarious, like, "Stand aside, jerks. Please." Amy gives chase but there's just canal where he went, because he is a vampire rapefish of some alien kind, but we don't know that yet. She needs to find the Doctor like immediately.

Daddy does some whining at the front door, but it's not just because that's all he does: It's also so that the Doctor can sneak into the school and have a run in with five Veelas in their nightgowns. It's pretty cute, he's like so excited that he can't see them in the mirror, he is way focused on that, and they're like, "Dude, we are totally vampires, work it out." He finally does, showing them the psychic paper, which has become William Hartnell's library card -- cute! -- and then they get all hissing and scary and whatever. He yells, "Tell me the whole plan!" This gambit does not work.

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Doctor Who

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