Just kidding! She stares into space and thinks nothing of it and is stupid for no reason. Thank God these people are such great actors, or I would be really offended by all this bullcorn. Like I might never stop bitching.

Okay, they're ready to go into the Catacombs. Do we have a gravity globe? We sure do. What is a gravity globe? Ask me next week. They head into the Mortarium, the Maze of the Dead. What's that? Doesn't matter, unless you're hunting statue monsters, and then it's super scary, because there's statues everywhere. Do you get what I'm saying? I better say it again: "A stone Angel on the loose amongst stone statues." Still haven't caught up? "A needle in a haystack," River mutters, which causes the Doctor to say these words: "A needle that looks like hay. A hay-like needle. Of death. A hay-alike needle of death in a haystack of, er, statues... No, yours was fine." Zany, this. (Should I feel vindicated or horrified that Terry Pratchett thinks this show is as stupid as I do? The enemy of my enemy and so forth.) So they gotta look for the statue, that's task number one, but there is no task number two. What then? How to fight it? "We find it, and hope."

Interesting. Time for a stage-whispered aside regarding The Truth About River Song, between Octavian and herself. "He doesn't know yet, does he? Who and what you are." And if he figures it out, he says, the Doctor won't help at all. "I won't let you down. Believe you me, I have no intention of going back to prison." Hmm.

They spread out through the Maze of the Dead, and a great whopping lot of sand comes pouring out of Amy's eyeball, so she's like, "You guys? Sand is coming out of my previously itchy eyeball. I'm sorry I didn't mention it earlier, but at this point I'm fairly certain that this is a big deal, because great whopping lots of sand have never come flowing out of my eyeball before. Might this have something to do with the stone creatures we're hunting, that I looked in the eye -- with this eye right here, the one with the sand coming out of it -- before you could warn me not to?"

Just kidding. She asks more Questions. River cutely explains to Amy: "Oh, it's not as bad as it sounds. It's just a labyrinth with dead people buried in the walls... Okay, that was fairly bad." Fairly funny. She gives Amy a stab with a "virostabilizer," against the coming radiation superstorm, and it's interesting how she does it: "This won't hurt a bit," she says, and a moment later: "There, you see? I lied." Of all the things River Song has never done to harm us, I think that's the thing she did that made me like her best. "There, you see? I lied." Just brilliant.