Doctor Who

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A | 2 USERS: A+
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People Are Places

Father Octavian, Bishop Second Class, touches down with a squad of twenty clerics. Hallelujah! The only thing, the only version of men I love more than soldiers, is priests, which is why I love the Sontarans just a little more than the Daleks, who are both. It's not a fetish thing, it's the opposite of a fetish thing (more likely a Triple Aries-Double Libra-Capricorn Rising thing, not that I believe in that shit), but I'll ask you: Who doesn't love a nun with a gun?

Octavian was promised, if not an army, the equivalent of an army, which is the Doctor. He is immediately impressed to meet him; Octavian's eyes light up when he sees him for what he is. Apparently River's been helping the Church with a "covert investigation" into the Weeping Angels. They need essentially to get onto the Byzantium and neutralize its Angel. They can't climb in from above, because of the warp drive issue, so they have to go through the huge cliffside Temple it landed in and on. The catacombs are still burning.

Inside, Octavian keeps calling him "sir" and he keeps not noticing: "Catacombs, probably dark ones. Dark catacombs, great." Apparently, they are specifically called the Maze of the Dead, which sounds just cheery enough that it puts the Doctor's teeth on edge. Amy notices the "sir" thing, and I guess because she watches this show somehow knows that he never lets them do that, which is a clunky way of reminding us that he never lets them do that. "So whatever a Weeping Angel is, it's really bad, yeah?" He notices she's still there, and gets pissy with her about it. "Ooh, are you all Mr. Grumpy Face today?" Sometimes flippant is the way to play it, but I'd love it if Amy had any other tool in her toolbox.

"A Weeping Angel, Amy, is the deadliest, most powerful, most malevolent lifeform evolution has ever produced, and one is trapped inside that wreckage. And I'm supposed to climb in with a screwdriver and a torch, and assuming I survive the radiation -- and the whole ship doesn't blow up in my face -- do something clever which I haven't thought of yet. That's my day. That's what I'm up to. Any questions?" Just one: Does every fucking episode need this exact same speech? We get it, the stakes are high. "Is River Song your wife?" He sighs and looks away, but she's loving it: "Because she's someone from your future, and the way she talks to you, I've never seen anyone do that. She's kinda like, you know, Heel, boy! She's Mrs. Doctor from the future, isn't she? Is she gonna be your wife one day?" He admits it, and she's shocked. "You're right. I am definitely Mr. Grumpy Face today." River calls his name, and he's hangdog for a moment. They head into one of the Church barracks, I think, as the Doctor explains Octavian: "He's their Bishop, they're his clerics. It's the 51st Century, the Church has moved on."

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Doctor Who

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