Doctor Who
Tooth And Claw

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: B | 2 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
The Breaking Of Albion

Sir Robert and Rose help the Doctor to barricade the doors with chairs; he notices that the Wolf isn't actually trying to get in. There's that wall-split screen like in the Britney video where she humped the wall on one side, and then Madonna was on the other wall, and then there was a swing, and then Madonna disappeared off the planet and everybody was like, "Who?" Only instead of those two illustrious ladies, it's the Doctor and the Wolf. And the Wolf is just really not interested, like when your cat falls on its ass and then pretends it totally had an appointment to land on its face and then lick its paw. They listen as the Wolf pads about, totally scared, and the Doctor asks if that's the only entrance. "Yes," says Sir Robert. And then: "...No!" Which is, like, my favorite part of the episode, because it's the most realistic. Very cute, very likeable moment on Sir Robert's part, and because of Much Ado, I really needed him to do something cute, because he was horrible with a capital barf in that movie. And while I find Lady Isobel to be very awesome, and she wouldn't choose a chucker, I'm happy to have some tangible proof that Sir Robert's good.

Rose shushes everybody as she and the Doctor barricade the sudden other door. More Wolf feet padding about, and the Doctor realizes that it's being kept out by "something inside this room." So, like, it's something that was already there, because they are none of them Wolf-repellent. The Doctor thinks hard while Sir Robert sits down and has a migraine. Or I guess some humors or whatever they had back then. Rose and the Doctor adorably redux their previous conversation about how it's totally Queen Victoria, only this time it's totally a werewolf, and there's new new apple grass or whatever. They giggle some more. Queen Victoria watches them and tries not to fucking barf. Sir Robert, actually peeking around their gross display of affection, apologizes to the Queen, subtly suggesting that she's a retard for not picking up on his huge neon signals that there was something totally wrong going on. It's a little passive-aggressive. "Did you think there was nothing strange about my household staff?" "To find me gay among the gay, Like one with any trifle pleased," says Tennyson, who knew a thing or two about a thing or two, or as the Doctor says, "Well, they were bald, athletic, your wife's away...I just thought you were happy." Not even Scottish winter would be enough to drive me into bed with those freaks, ninja powers or not. The Doctor is permissive to a fault.

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