The Doctor gives a seriously irritating made-up science speech that goes on for a hundred years, literally willing this plotpoint into existence out of nowhere, about how when the scarlet fever got Edwin's parents, it hurt I'm telling you, "worse than a wound," seriously that's what he says, and the Doctor is all, "Remember it now, Edwin! The ash trees! By the Post Office! And your mum! And dad! And losing them! And men in the trenches you saw die! Remember it! Feel it! Because you're human! You're not like them! You are not like the Daleks!"

On what gaywad planet is this possibly true? "Brilliant! Embrace it! That means you're alive! They cannot explode that bomb! You're a human being! You are flesh and blood! They cannot explode that bomb! Believe it! You are Professor Edwin Bracewell! And you, my friend, are a human being!"

To this bullshit's credit, it doesn't work. But only because the great and powerful God of Heteronormativity -- whereby everybody who talks to each other is oooo-oooo-oooo dating and any woman who expresses any kind of power must be your henpecking wife and any woman who wears a skirt above the knee is a dirty whore -- is here to giggle and point and make sure everybody knows getting married and falling in luuuuuuuuuuuv is as good as it gets, so Amy's like, "You were in love with somebody! Like I'm flirting with being in love with the Doctor, who I knew when I was a little girl, which is totally gross! What was her name? Boys like girls or they don't mean anything at all! What was her name?"

Her name was Dorabella, of course. Even the Doctor thinks that's lame. And what was this Dorabella, whom somebody else loved but is now the key to this entire story, like Mario's Princess always in another castle? I cannot wait to care. I'm sure it'll be really inventive. Major bonus points if he brings in the color of her eyes, this Dorabella, because that's never happened before.