Doctor Who

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: C | 6 USERS: A

"All hail the new Daleks!" the Mighty Morphers exclaim, and then suddenly the old drab-and-khaki Ironside Daleks line up to be exterminated. "Yes, you are inferior! Cleanse the unclean! Total obliteration! Disintegrate!" They shove the old "unclean" Daleks into ovens, and we giggle about it -- "Blimey! What do you do to the ones who mess up?" the Doctor asks -- and everybody has a good laugh. Over the streets of the London Blitz, while millions of real live people are actually dying down there for something that clearly we can see is so silly! And campy! The Master Race! Ha-ha, silly Dalek Nazis, exterminating the lower races like they do.

For real, that's what happens at this point. And it's not even anti-Semitic, it's just retarded. You know what we don't joke about during WWII? There's like one fucking thing.

"You are the Doctor! You must be exterminated!" they yell, when they're done Final Solutioning those silly, campy, this show's just for kids Jew Daleks. And he's all sonic in the face, like, "Don't mess with me, sweetheart!"

(Okay. That part was pretty awesome, that one line. I love it when he calls people "dear" or "sweetheart," because there's always a little glimmer in his eye.) So more of this running round in the War Room, and the War Room finally tunes into what's up on the ship, with the Doctor just appalled by everything, and the Daleks do something that almost makes the New Paradigm cool: "Scientist! Strategist! Drone! Eternal! And The Supreme!" That would be the Supreme White Dalek, explaining the others in order: Orange Scientist, Blue Strategist, Red Drone, and the Yellow Eternal -- with black buttons, rather than silver. The Doctor congratulates Supreme on his paintjob -- "I'd be feeling pretty swish if I looked like you!" -- because white is best, in this story, and gets to speak. How novel. Also, their voices are deeper and way less awesome. They just sound mean, instead of mean and crazy like they used to.

Downstairs, everybody's running about and mad as hatters, and old guv and that, but they release -- pardon, "scramble" -- the fun action sequence and we get to watch archaic airplanes fight in space. For a good long time. And don't get me wrong -- that's pretty awesome -- but it doesn't do much for the story besides stretch it out with eye-candy, and that goes in your eyeballs, whereas what we do here goes in your eyes but really your ears, if you see what I'm saying. Like how it's hard to talk about American Idol in words because they're singing. So just assume that goes on for quite a long time. Not as long, though, I'll say, as the unending Vinvocci space battle did.

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Doctor Who




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