Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: A- | Grade It Now!
Wash And Go the top of the stairs, at which Alan Tudyk flips out, thinking someone's going to reach through from behind as they're walking down and grab them, and again, Topher's a paranoid freak? Anyway, halfway down, they see Claire come out of her office, and Alan Tudyk declares his intention to take the opportunity to commandeer her computer. Before he can, though, Ballard is stunned to see Victor passing by, and realizes, "My whole life isn't real." I won't completely agree unless we find out Aisha Hinds is a Doll, too, but he's still got a point. Not that this revelation is going to slow him down from meeting Adelle, who will eat him alive for afternoon tea. Alan Tudyk, though, once again brings it around to hilarity: "It is a small world, right? I went to grade school with Jenna Elfman." Hee. And there's a joke about Dolls and Scientology in there, but I'm on deadline so you'll have to flesh it out for yourself. Anyway, once inside, Ballard realizes he's gone for five minutes without thinking about Caroline, so he tells Alan Tudyk he's got to get up to the Dolls. Alan Tudyk gets on the computer as he tells Ballard about the compartments in which the Dolls sleep, saying if he tries to open a locked pod, security will be on him like Joss fans on the Paley Festival, but promises he'll unlock them and shows him where to go...

...and then Ballard enters the chamber as directed and, as a Sad Piano uncharacteristically and irritatingly kicks up, he opens one compartment to find November. He recalls out loud that she's a sleeper and could kill him without even knowing it at the flip of a switch, and then apologizes and closes her back in. Of course, given that Echo beat the crap out of him before giving him that message, she could well be a sleeper, too, for all he knows, but then again, it's his precious Caroline, and she would never do that unless you did something truly evil, like stepping on some poor innocent puppies' tails. Anyway, I would deem the time well-spent if we were to see Ballard opening all the wrong pods first, because that just seems so in character, but I suppose the network execs thought getting on with it was a good idea, because Echo is in the next compartment he tries. He smiles, which is a jarring sight indeed, and then breathes, "Caroline," like, SHE'S NOT CAROLINE, YOU IMPOSSIBLY THICK (in more than one sense) MAN. Anyway, she wakes up, as you'd expect when the environmental controls are off and the compartment is open (and it's totally contrived that November didn't do the same) but before they can stare into each other's eyes, Boyd appears behind Ballard and cocks the gun he has pointed at his head. "Sorry, Agent Ballard. You don't get the girl." We'll add her to the list, then, right after "when to quit."

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