Epitaph Two

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: B- | 3 USERS: B-
Sex On The Brain
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

I never recap the previouslies, because they usually annoy me with how much they give away and I end up hyperlinking to the relevant stuff anyway, but since this one doesn't have any, I'll flip the script and do my own version. So: Some time ago, Joss Whedon and Eliza Dushku sat down and came up with a concept for a new sci-fi-ish show. Said show would star an actress with fan appeal beyond reproach and acting talent that was somewhat less so. They got Fox to pick up the show, whereupon they ran into massive creative differences that led to several delays and a reduced episode order. When the show saw the light, the first half of the season was tepid at best, but was followed by a strong second half that made its inevitable cancellation look unjust. But amazingly, Fox decided to give it another chance, albeit in a dreaded Friday night timeslot. The show repaid this kindness with three below-par episodes (one of them absolutely dreadful) and was informed its services would no longer be required; however, it was given the chance to air its full order of thirteen episodes to wrap the show up in a satisfactory fashion. The show responded by ripping off a rather mind-blowingly good series of episodes, but then advanced a horrifically nonsensical penultimate offering that left what viewers remained thoroughly unsure of what to expect going into the finale. And if that sounds frustrating, you're not wrong, but if you've been following along with this paragraph you'll admit it's not exactly unexpected either. Regardless, Dollhouse has been fun to recap, on the whole, and I'm sorry my return to the Whedon game couldn't have lasted longer. One more thing: Thanks very much to Angel Cohn for covering the recaplet when Fox unexpectedly switched up the finale date. And now, let's get to wrapping it up:

We start as we left off, in post-apocalyptic Los Angeles in the year 2019. Oh, I see: These are the previouslies, or the "postviouslies" if you prefer, but whatever, it's a quick selection of scenes from Epitaph One, which I suppose I can't begrudge them doing for the people who never got hold of the DVD in order to watch it. Probably a little confusing for those who didn't, but then again, it's not like we're catering to a whole lot of casual viewers here. Also, nice to see Whiskey, given that she's not in the episode proper. The whatever-you-want-to-call-them leads to a mere title card instead of an opening-credits sequence, which signals that my fingers are in for it here, and then where we really start is with some Dumbshow shambling around "Somewhere near the California-Nevada border," as a chyron so helpfully informs us. What, there's no particular town that wanted to be mentioned in a dying show's last gasp? Maybe after Chino's depiction on The O.C., everyone's gun-shy. Probably more important than the "location" is the year, which is now 2020, and this Dumbshow quickly becomes well beside the point, as a horde of charging Butchers come out of nowhere and head toward my wonderfully sarcastic TV boyfriend Zone, who awakens from the nap he was enjoying in his Jeep to yell a warning to Mag and... well, young Caroline, formerly "Isis," who are nearby fetching some water, as the womenfolk apparently do even in post-apocalyptic times. Zone starts laying down some covering fire as Mag sprints behind the wheel and gets them out of there, not without an assist from young Caroline, who uses a lead pipe to brain a Butcher who managed to grab the back of the Jeep. Actually, the pipe may not have contained lead, but I played Clue enough times as a kid that it's hard to imagine any other possibility. Once they've safely escaped, Zone wonders how there could be Butchers all the way out where they are, as they're not even close to a city, and Mag speculates unimportantly before pointing out that they have better things to worry about, such as getting to Safe Haven before they run out of water and gas. Young Caroline whines that she's doing the best she can now that she's unable to see over the dash, which would have been funny if she'd had any sense of humor about it, but she's too worried about asking whom her current body used to house. Zone declines to mention more about Iris than that she was printed before they met her, and adds that they put Caroline into her body because of her knowledge of Safe Haven, like, okay, none of that really makes any sense, because "Caroline" and "Echo" ceased to be any different as of ten-plus years earlier, so there's no way YC would know where Safe Haven is and not Echo, but a billion things here make no sense and we won't get an answer to any of them, and if I don't have time to dwell on them now, I'm certainly not going to bother recapping all the garbage about their goal of making a "true world" where everyone is an Actual, because we know this already and, despite what I said before, it's a LITTLE LATE for re-explaining stuff here. Anyway, they continue down the desert road...

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