Downton Abbey
Episode Seven

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: B | 14 USERS: B
YOU GRADE IT
Oy, Again With The Birth and the Death?

Mrs. Hughes and Patmore are having a little drink in front of Tufton's stall and he suggests they finish up so they can go find some fun. Mrs. Patmore asks what about the stall, but Tufton says the girl working there, "Lucy," can manage without him and he pinches her Down There on his way out, to which Mrs. Patmore is oblivious but Mrs. Hughes most certainly is not. Tufton then tells Mrs. Patmore that in that blouse, she looks like she belongs in Vogue and he continues with the buffoonery as Mrs. Hughes wonders if she should give in now and get hammered. She resolves to take off to find Alfred, but when Tufton approaches Mrs. Patmore with a disgusting leer on his face, Mrs. Hughes looks back with an undisguised "Well, I never!" expression. And who can blame her?

After a quick montage of fair activities, the tug-of-war master asks if there are any side bets before they start and when one of the toughs on the opposing teams scornfully asks who'd bet on them, Jimmy James asks what odds he could get. The tug-of-war master offers ten to one, so Jimmy James bets a pound, which by his wages has to be pretty steep so it's no surprise that Alfred upbraids him for it. Jimmy James, though, has something big up his sleeve -- Tufton, who he invites to join them as a Downton supplier. I guess he's evening out the teams, but you'd still think the bet could be rescinded; regardless, it seems on as Tufton is only too happy to hop into the ring and crudely show off for the ladies present, which once again is not lost on Mrs. Hughes. The contest then starts...

...while in tamer sport, Matthew and Gregson are up to their knees in the river as Gregson says he knows it's a lot to ask, but what else can he do in his situation? Matthew, however, says that Lord Grantham may grant the difficulty of his circumstances in the abstract, but that's a far cry from willingly involving his daughter in them. "Not when all you have to offer is a job as your mistress." Damn, Matthew, that is sugar-free enough to be worthy of your wife. Gregson emotionally says he loves Edith, but Matthew continues his tough acquaintanceship by supposing Gregson's been misled by their idyllic surroundings. "We're not in a novel by Walter Scott." You know that's a good line when the editor has no answer...

...so let's go back to the tug-of-war, which is heating up. If you're interested, the order they've gone with is Jimmy James, Branson, Thomas, Alfred and Tufton as anchor. The master seethes at one of his guys to pull the damn rope, but the Downton team is making headway, and then, just like that, it's over -- much to the crowd's delight. Less delighted is the master, but he pays Jimmy James, which is more than I might have expected, to be honest.

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Downton Abbey

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