Episode Report CardKeckler: C+ | Grade It Now!
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You know, I searched long and hard to find an episode to make fun of; it was damn difficult. Not because there aren't enough snark-worthy episodes in the four-plus seasons I've watched. On the contrary, as much as I adore this series, there are plenty of things to snark about. The difficulty came from me looking for snarkable episodes that also allowed me to express my Quark, Odo, Sisko, Jake, Nog, Rom, Worf, and Bashir love and admiration. I couldn't find one and was running out of summer, so I'm going with this very obvious choice. Enjoy. The scene opens in Quark's Bar as Morn -- that taciturn heartbreaker of silent films -- descends stairs and carries a spiky orange flower over to a random unsuspecting Starfleet officer. I guess love is already in the air. The random unsuspecting Starfleet officer still looks unsuspecting and a bit surprised at this floral presentation, but then she kisses Morn on his potato-head cheek, takes his arm, and they stroll off together. So maybe they know each other or something. I am, as most DS9-ers are, quite fascinated by the ever-silent Morn. I especially love it when Quark tells Morn a joke and Morn doesn't get it, or when Quark snaps that Morn was talking his ear off, or when Morn gets darts thrown into that jacket of his that's so puffy he looks as though he's about to summer in Rura Penthe. From another table, Odo grimaces and Bald and Dangerous Sisko smiles as the Morners move off. Odo asks what Bald and Dangerous Sisko thinks about Keiko and Miles's decision to name their baby "Sean." Bald and Dangerous Sisko shrugs that he likes it until Odo points out that, in Bajoran, "Sean" means "swamp." Sisko thinks someone should tell the O'Briens. "I nominate you," Odo says darkly. Okay...because the O'Briens have historically gotten irrationally violent when people talk to them about baby names? Dax of the Jadzia variety joins them rubbing her neck and sitting down gingerly with her raktajino. She and Worf must've had a late night. "Neck bothering you again?" Odo asks wryly. Dax raises her thick eyebrows and pish-toshes that it's just a muscle pull. Yeah, a muscle pull FROM SEX! "What is that -- the eighth muscle pull this month?" Bald and Dangerous Sisko asks. Why is he keeping track? Odo interjects that he believes that Dax has been treated for seven muscle pulls, two contusions, and three cracked ribs. And where were those contusions? Ew -- I just remembered Braga's interview from Trekkies talking about the shape of the fan-engineered Klingon condoms, so forget I asked. "The only person whose spent more time in the infirmary over the past two weeks is Commander Worf," Odo adds. That's interesting -- Dax is managing to sex-injure Worf more than he her? Our girl is butch! "Isn't there any way the two of you could...um...you know..." B and D Sisko leads. "Make love?" Dax supplies for him. "Without injuring yourselves?" Sisko finishes. Dax grins that the danger element is what makes interspecies romance fun. She then rubs her neck and hopes they will have better luck on Risa. B and D Sisko is surprised because he thought they were vacationing on Earth. "That was his suggestion," Dax smiles, arching an eyebrow. "I changed his mind." And broke two of his horny toes doing it. B and D Sisko snickers that he hopes Risa has a good hospital. Odo and Dax giggle. As much as Odo can giggle. "I can't believe you actually convinced Worf to go to a pleasure planet," B and D Sisko says. "He must really be loosening up." It's all the prune juice. Odo said he hadn't noticed any change, and Sisko realizes he hasn't either. Just then, Worf walks to a nearby replicator and barks, "Prune juice, extra large!" Dax invites Worf and his breakfast to join them. Odo and B and D Sisko try to talk to Worf about his upcoming travel plans, but he's not biting. But that's probably because he's not aroused. Worf tells Dax portentously that they have much to discuss. "About what?" B and D asks, bobbing his head curiously. "It is a private matter," Worf grunts. Dax explains that Worf is annoyed because she had lunch with Cpt. Boday. "The Gallamite?" Odo wonders. "His skull is transparent," Worf says with great distaste. "And if you couldn't see his brains, would it make you feel any better?" Dax wonders. It might make me feel better. Worf and Dax continue in this vein for a bit longer in order to firmly establish Worf's jealousy and Dax's frustration. Odo speaks for all of us when he says, "Well, I can see it's going to be quite a trip," before he and B and D Sisko get up to leave. Once they're gone, Worf gets all annoyed with Dax for discussing their private matters with Odo and Sisko. Dax argues that they're her friends and he needs to stop being so controlling.