Episode Nine

Episode Report Card
admin: C+ | Grade It Now!
Signed, Sealed, Delivered.

So we're down to the final three: both of Jennifer's partners (J Rome and John) are still in it, along with Kelly's partner, Jason. So I guess it's all just performances for fun tonight, since the voting has already happened?

I guess that depends on if your definition of fun includes Kelly and Jennifer singing a duet on "Would I Lie To You?" Jennifer is wearing honest-to-God Hammer pants. Not a good look for anyone, but especially not a pregnant lady. And Kelly is wearing flats, probably because of her foot injury, but they are also not flattering with her little red dress. It's a world of hot mess up on that stage, fashion-wise. They sound great, though.

Whoa, the dudes are wearing tuxes. They really want us to think this is a special event! All of the contestants are back, too. First, Bridget and John are back to perform "Gimme Shelter." That sounds... interesting. Can you hear this song anymore without thinking Scorsese films? Bridget's shoes are insane. They are booties with at least four-inch heels. Maybe more. And platforms. I don't know how she can walk. Anyway, I like this song and I like the Stones, but this was not the best showcase for Bridget's vocals and, since there were seemingly no restrictions, I can't figure out why they chose it. It's a really boring arrangement.

No one asked to see Olivia sing again except probably Robin Thicke, because then he gets to sing again. Anyway, they are singing "Fever" and Olivia starts out and there's my off-key girl. She is off for the entire first verse, and not just a little. It's like she's singing an entirely different song. Again, I really think Robin picked this song because he wanted to sing it, and who gives a shit about his partner, whose last chance this may be for a professional singing career. By the end, Olivia sounds pretty good for once. I guess Robin got her back on track, key-wise. I will say, this song is a good match for her vocal tone. But she can't stay in the right key. She needs some auto-tune, stat.

We're going to get a clip package about each finalist, and John is up first. I think I've made my feelings about John pretty clear, so I won't rehash them here. John still has the hairline bronzer issue I noticed last week. It wouldn't be so bad if they didn't use such dark makeup on him. Are they just trying to even out his skin tone? It looks like he rubbed dirt on his forehead. I know what that looks like; I have two-year-old twin boys. I see dirt rubbed on foreheads just about every day in the summer. I really can't figure out why anyone thinks that looks good. I mean, are they trying to contour his forehead? Anyway, they sing "For Good" from Wicked, and it sounds about the same as everything they sing - very good, but very earnest.

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