All the Eastwick witches run up against trouble when they try to take charge of their lives. They may have supernatural powers, but they're still dealing with their mundane, everyday problems.
Kat, for example, is still dealing with her loutish husband Ray. His taking of the kids last week was a stunt to make her realize he could take them again. Finally getting good and pissed, Kat not only calls Darryl's lawyer friend Ivanka but, along with her coven of gal pals, casts a spell to infest the lout with itchy red boils. Unsurprisingly, Kat ends up softening and firing Ivanka, and comes to an agreement with Ray about sharing custody of the children.
Joanna, for her part, is dealing with her upcoming first date with the adorkable Will. But wouldn't you know it? She hooks up with her ex-fiance Morgan and stands up Will. She ends up with neither man, after she uses her Peeper Powers to find out why Morgan left her at the altar (she was boring in bed and in life) and Will, crushed, witnesses her blow-up in the office.
Roxie is still dealing with her hot, Deppish neighbor Jamie, who she still suspects of wanting to murder her. (This is mundane by Roxie standards.) Encouraged by Darryl, she ends up stealing a scrapbook of spells from his apartment, which he says was left to him by his mother who died in his infancy. Except, dun DUN DUN!, Roxie finds out his mother is none other than Bun! Roxie conspires to reunite the two of them, which cannot end well.
The episode ends with the revelation that Penny has been working with Jamie to investigate Darryl. Also, they totally make out. It almost makes up for the criminal underuse of Paul Gross in this episode. Almost.
We open on Roxie measuring Darryl at the Van Horne Home For Wayward Witches and Broke-Ass Artists. He tries his best to engage her in measurement-related banter, but she's too busy being freaked out by Jamie suddenly showing up outside the window. He takes pictures of her through the window and looks sneaky. He looks sort of like if a ferret suddenly became human, but also hot. Roxie wakes with a start in her shop, where business is apparently so dismal that she has plenty of time to fall asleep and have psychic dreams. The real Jamie walks in with friendly neighbor chat and an apple, which he tries to offer Roxie. She babbles awkwardly about apples being deceptive and possibly being poisonous. Rebecca Romijn's hair is fabulous, by the way. The earthy thing works for her. Jamie is clearly confused but instead of being offended he good-naturedly takes back his apple and leaves for his apartment.
Somewhere on the streets of Stars Hollow, er, Eastwick, Joanna is admiring her article about the randy pastor. This is where we left her last week. The person grabbing her shoulder turns out to be a guy who looks so much like Lindsay Price that I thought for sure he would be playing Joanna's brother. But no, he's Morgan, and he must be an old flame judging by the way Joanna immediately launches in an overshare about her sex life and her period and teens having anal sex. He blinks as she scampers away to get ready for work. You know, I started out sympathetic to Joanna, because I can be socially awkward myself and have been known to give voice to my inner monologue when it's most inconvenient. But she's gone right past "socially awkward" and into Susan Mayer territory. In other words: shut up, Joanna.
Kat is at her house, still looking for her kids. She frantically calls Ray and begs him to call her back. Only when she hangs up does she add, "Call me back, you sonofabitch!" She considers the divorce lawyer's card given to her by Darryl, but ends up calling 9-1-1 instead and reports her kids as being kidnapped. Opening credits.
At the Gazette, Penny and Joanna have an informative conversation about how Morgan is the ex-fiance who left Joanna at the altar two years ago in downtown Boston and how Joanna couldn't afford a real Vera Wang dress so she went with Vera Chang, and ended up puking into a potted plant because Morgan broke up with her via text message and she only heard from him once since then when he drunk-emailed her about Cheers and broken hearts, and then Joanna got a job at the Gazette after sending out 300 resumes. Seriously, they exposit this whole thing in about 10 seconds with no pausing for breath. I'm as impressed as I am annoyed! Joanna is upset that Morgan is showing up out of the blue just when things are about to get going with Will, but Penny thinks it's her chance to rub it in Morgan's face. Joanna finds a bouquet of flowers from Darryl on her desk, congratulating her on her exposé of the reverend. Penny thinks it's a distraction and wants to get back to their own investigation on Darryl. She mentions a "secret source" who gave her some info on a "Dominic Savage." Joanna is too wrapped up in her personal crisis to even hear Penny. She flits off all in a tizzy.