Later, in Roxie's place, Roxie and Chad are making out. Chad claims to be "a sexual Batman", which I think I've read stories about. He tries to convince Roxie that he should get to use one of her dresser drawers to store his stuff, but the only unused one has her husband's clothes. The one who's been dead for five years. It's a giant bedroom; couldn't he get some kind of plastic crate? Roxie is frustrated by her boytoy's attempts to forge a real relationship, and he's frustrated by the way he gets to have no-strings-attached sex with Rebecca Romijn. Hey, this really is a fantasy!
Joanna is sniffing her armpits in the newspaper break room when Will walks in. She makes up a story about rubbing her armpits with dryer sheets. She might not be making it up, not that that would make any more sense. He asks her out, and she tells him he's not in control of his actions. To demonstrate, she makes him punch himself in the arm and grab her ass. This doesn't seem like it's really going to explain anything to him. Why doesn't she just use her hypno-eyes to return him to normal? Anyway, Penny walks in to see Will grabbing Joanna's ass and tells them that the writer of the "Local Millionaire Drowns" story is here to see Joanna. It's Martin Mull! Although his character is named "Milton", which might be hard to remember.
So Milton wrote this article about Sebastian Hart, the local millionaire who drowned in 1984 and he claims to remember almost everything he ever wrote. But he denies remembering anything about these stories. Joanna immediately whips out the hypno-eyes and demands that he tell her everything he remembers about Sebastian Hart. But he can't remember any details. He remembers that he (Sebastian, not Milton) was young, surrounded by women, and scary, but he can't remember why. Thanks for coming in, Martin!
Roxie is sitting outside her store and has rolled a candle, a rope, and a ladder. The manual doesn't explain what that means, although I'd like to point out that two of the three are murder weapons in "Clue". The guy who tried to rape Mia walks past and smirks. Then he leaves. Jamie comes by and mentions having been to the library, and Roxie gets all snotty: "I thought only old ladies and perverts went to libraries." What? Screw you, lady. Libraries are awesome. Roxie walks Mia away, but Mia detaches herself from her mother, insisting that she doesn't need a new dress because she's not going to HarvestFest. Not go to HarvestFest? Why, my dear, it's the social event of the season! Simply everybody will be there!