Ed
Ed

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Uncle Bob: C+ | 435 USERS: B-
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A Job Well Done

Ed walks into Suitopia, and this fine-assed babe walks up to him and starts flirting. Ed removes his sunglasses and the gal gasps, telling Ed he has the most attractive blue eyes she's ever seen. Another employee walks up and wants to wait on Ed, but the first employee says she got him first. The second one pouts and says, "You always get the cute ones!" Ed grins and says that even though he knows this is all faker than Britney Spears's boobs, he's still enjoying it. Ron spots Ed and calls him "Get Even Stevens," and I kick myself in the ass for not coming up with it first. All this time, I've been flirting with using the nickname Ed "The Crippler" Stevens...and "Get Even" beats the crap out of "The Crippler." Anyhoo, Ron tells Ed that he wants to "dress [Ed] up in [his] love," which could quite possibly be the gayest thing I've ever heard one man say to another on national television. Ed tries to wheedle out of the lawsuit by telling Ron that the case is no good; they're not going to win, and Ed wants to settle out of court. Ron punches Ed in the mouth several times and says that there's no way he's settling out of court, punctuating each word with another sock in the choppers, which could quite possibly be the most violent yet homoerotic thing I've ever seen one man do to another on national television.

Back at the alley, Kenny and Phil are using metal detectors up and down the bowling lanes, trying to find the missing bowling ball. Ed thinks this is ludicrous, but doesn't use that exact word; that's something I thought up with my own little pea-brained head. Phil points out that it's a possibility that the ball could have had some metallic paint in its design and metal detectors are a must in this quest for the Russian's ball. Kenny's detector keeps going crazy every time he lifts it near his forehead. Not really. That's just another of the many lies with which I pepper my recaps.

Ed

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