A Job Well Done

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Uncle Bob: C | Grade It Now!
A Job Well Done

Back in the classroom, Carol's still talking about The Great Gatsby. Granted, it's been a while since I saw the inside of a classroom, but damn, it seems like we kinda moved on after we had totally run a topic into the ground back in my day. Carol wants to know who all has read the book; everyone raises their hands. She laughs and tells them to be honest; nobody's going to get in trouble if they haven't read it. Most of the hands go down. Finally, all the hands go down. Carol says that they must think that because she's forcing them to read the book, it must be pretty dull, huh? Somebody murmurs, "Bingo." But Carol read it last night and it was actually a pretty good book. So the next hour belongs to the students. They can do whatever they want, but she's reading The Great Gatsby. And just like Pavlov's Mutt, these kids start picking up the book and reading it because they're not forced to read it. Get it? Do you GET IT? You have to make kids think that they're doing something of their own free will before they actually do it. Man oh man, this whole reverse-psychology thing will boggle your freakin' mind sometimes, huh?

Closing statements time in the courtroom. Basically, the prosecution says that Ron crossed the line when he fired Heather. It's not just flirting; what he did was against the law, and he should fry in hell and share a bunk bed with Osama bin Laden and he should have fireworks shoved up his ass on an hourly basis. Ed says that, yeah, Ron's an f'n scumbag. He deserves the whole bin Laden/fireworks thing. His mere existence is demeaning toward women, toward Ed, and toward the jury. But Ron didn't break the law. When Heather Ross decided she wasn't going to play his little "Dress Extremely Casual Day" game, he didn't fire her -- he accepted her refusal. He only fired her when her sales went to the basement. Ed admits that he only defended the guy because it was his job. Now the jury -- no matter what they may think of this arrogant bastard -- need to go do their job, give Ron a fair verdict, and find him innocent. The jury does their collective impression of Helen Keller, staring at him blankly.

Carol enters Jackass's office and tells him that she understands they haven't exactly clicked since he started at the school, and she's not really in love with his methods of teaching. But he helped her and showed her how to make a connection with her students. Jackass grunts at her. She stands there for a second and says, "Thanks." She waits for him to acknowledge her. He doesn't, so she makes one of her trademark huffy exits. She then walks back in and informs him that in this society, when someone says "thanks," it's common courtesy to say, "You're welcome." Jackass sits there silently. Carol asks, "Why do you hate me?" and Jackass says, "Maybe I'm just bored." Christ on a stick. Look up "lethargic" in the dictionary. You'll see Jackass's face staring silently at you.

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