A Job Well Done

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Uncle Bob: C | Grade It Now!
A Job Well Done

Commercials. Did you know that you get a free Shrek video if you test-drive a Kia Sedona, or something that sounds an awful lot like that? Me neither! I know what I'm doing this weekend! I'm test-driving a Kia Sedona, getting my free tape, popping some popcorn, and yukking it up Shrek-style. Oh. And I also plan on wedging a thick block of bleu cheese in between the seats during my test drive. It's kinda like my test-drive signature. Keeps the local car dealers busy.

Outside the courtroom, Ed walks up to Ron. Ed seems just a tad pissed off as he asks why Ron didn't return his calls. Ron ignores the question and comments on what a snappy dresser Ed is. Ed says that Ron lied, adding that Ron makes his employees dress sexily, and that's harassment, Bucko. Ron says that scantily clad female employees lead to a fuller shopping experience for the men because -- and say it with me here, kids -- sex sells. Ed tells Ron he's going to have to find someone else to defend him in this case, because Ed doesn't agree with what Ron's doing, and that Ron's guilty of sexual harassment. As the case begins, Ed announces that he's withdrawing from the case due to moral issues with his client. The judge tells Ed to meet him in his chambers, and to wear that cute little silk number the judge is so fond of.

Ed meets the judge in the chambers, leaving the silk number in his briefcase, so no hanky panky takes place, which is probably good because I just ate, and even though there's nothing wrong with homosexual acts taking place between a lawyer and a judge...well, I'm just not fully prepared to recap it, I guess. The judge informs Ed that the world is not all full of teddy bears, and he understands that Ed wants to drop the case because Ron is a bad man -- the kind of bad man who'd beat a kid up and take his lunch money, but not the kind who'd entice a kid into his car and then leave him buried alongside some deserted highway in a shallow grave with his underoos hanging from a nearby tree. Ron's bad, but he's not psychotic. Then, the judge tries to explain the judicial system using a tube sock. I kid you not. He then tells Ed that if he decides not to defend Ron, the judge will have Ed sent before the disciplinary committee. Daaa-yummm! This judge means business! I guess you get a little testy when you have to explain complicated matters using foot apparel.

Meanwhile, Nancy's feeding The Evil Baby Sarah some kind of strained carrots or peaches or some shit that helps nourish The Evil Baby Sarah's soul and prepares her for an early global domination. Nancy's prattling on and on that Daddy wants Nancy to have a little brother or sister for The Evil Baby Sarah, and asks what The Evil Baby Sarah thinks. The Evil Baby Sarah sits and stares at an evil baby wrangler off camera who's clearly holding The Evil Baby Sarah's contract in his hands and looking like he's about to rip it in half, oblivious to the inner turmoil that her "mother" is facing. Nancy tells The Evil Baby Sarah that if she thinks Mommy should wait to have another baby, she should just sit there and do nothing but look adorable. The Evil Baby Sarah flinches for just a second -- just long enough to have been considered "stirring." Nancy accepts this as not moving, and gets excited, wanting a high five from the kid. The Evil Baby Sarah continues staring at the evil baby wrangler holding an electric cattle prod off-camera. So now we know the secrets of how TV babies can be so cute and adorable: they're threatened repeatedly with baby electrocution. Y'see? There's always something to be learned in Uncle Bob's recaps.

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