While Molly's giving Ed the third degree, Carol's still trying to teach the kids about The Great Gatsby when Principal Jackass walks in and motions that he's just going to stand in the back of the class and silently observe Carol's teaching skills. Carol's slightly taken aback, but continues with the lesson, which is obviously boring the crap outta the kids. Jackass notes that the kids look like lobotomized zombies, so he decides to take the reins. He interjects into Carol's monologue, and the kids perk up. It's like a really shitty episode of Fame all of a sudden as the kids start grooving to the beat of a different educator. Jackass puts a lot of feeling into his speech about Gatsby, almost to the point where I started to pay attention to what he was saying, rather than tuning it out. The key word being "almost." He suggests that Warren change his name to Ward Chesterfield. Warren, sporting a new, hip hairdo, brightens up as he listens to the cool cat be-bop jazz that Jackass is rapping at the kids. Jackass finishes, walks up to Carol, and says, "I guess I was in the mood for a little administrating." Carol squirts a load in her panties, which is her way of showing approval. It's also how skunks send off mating signals. If skunks wore panties.
Commercials. Okay, I've never sent this commercial before, but it's for Pedia Care Drops or something like that. Anyway, they've got this baby in the commercial that's about seventeen times creepier than The Evil Baby Sarah. This kid has eyes bigger than a $20 candle. They're freaking huge. At first, I thought the lady was holding E.T., and then I looked closer and it was a freaking baby. Next time the commercial comes on, watch it, check out the kid, and tell me I'm lying. Because I'm not. This baby is a freak and has no business being in commercials when people are still awake and trying to be entertained. Ow. Disturbing, I'm tellin' ya...I'm going to have nightmares of that baby tonight.
At the bowling alley, Donnie is cleaning out his locker. Ed asks why, and Donnie says that he's lost his Devastator and there's no use in continuing bowling. His amateur bowling career is finished. Or as the Russians put it, it's "Delstrinko." Actually, I don't think that's a Russian word. I'm pretty sure I just made it up. But it sure sounded Russian and I bet if I didn't tell you it wasn't Russian, you'd be pretty impressed with me right about now, huh? Anyway, Phil walks in and says he's come up with a solution to find the ball. He tells Kenny to loosen the bloodhounds. A large number of small dogs of every breed come yipping out of a back room, going positively batshit. Phil quietly tells Ed that bloodhounds are kinda pricey, so he had to bring in all these dogs that weren't really bloodhounds. Ed asks Phil what's going on, and Phil whispers that he's buying time....shhhhhhh. Ed's confused, but after dealing with Phil on a daily basis, he's lucky he's not completely baffled. Or, God forbid, flabbergasted.