Ed and his new friend are making out in his car. She asks him if he'd like to come in: "Going once...Going twice...." Ed tells her that he's not really the Hat Guy; he's Ed McMahon, and HERE'S A BIG CHECK! Actually, he tells her he was just trying to be cool because he met this guy named Dennis who's really cool. Dennis is the type of guy who can wear a hat. "You're gay," the lady says. Ed says, "No, no...I'm quite heterosexual, thank you. I'm just not good with hats." The lady excuses herself from the car and Ed tells her to have a nice night.

Commercials. Inside Schwartz is America's favorite new comedy. Then I must have woken up in Yugoslavia, because I can't stand that f'n show.

Back in the alley, Jim is showing Ed his brand-new Luster King, which is apparently a machine that polishes the balls. I have one of those. I call it MY WIFE! BWAHAHAHAHAHAA!!! Thank you folks...drive carefully, tip your bartender and waitress. Anyway, Molly's throwing a party, and Ed thinks Jim should come. Jim says he might do that. Kenny interupts and says there's a guy in the parking lot who's been there for three hours, and Kenny thinks he's staking them out. Ed goes outside, introduces himself as the owner of the alley, and asks the guy what his deal is. The guy says he's just resting; he's got low blood sugar. Kenny suggests Kudos bars to take his sugar level up a few notches. Ed asks him if he's looking for George McPherson. The guy asks whether he knows where George is, and then quickly says he's not looking for anybody, which totally blows his cover. He asks Ed to please step away from the vehicle, and leaves. This proves that George is a mafia man. Or a fugitive. Or one of Osama's butt buddies. It proves something, that's all I know.

Ed shows up at Chez McPherson/Van Stratten, where G 'n' R is playing pool. G 'n' R tells Ed to call him "McPherson." Ed does, and he doesn't flinch, which proves that he's already accepted this whole name change fiasco thing. Ed asks him what's going on with his life, and G 'n' R says he just wanted his name changed and to start a whole new life. Ed informs him there was a guy creeping around the alley today who looked like a Private Investigator. G 'n' R panics and babbles, "You didn't tell him anything...we have lawyer/client privileges...you can't fink me out, you rat...see? You'll never take me alive, copper...see?" The Jimmy Cagney impressions lead me to believe that G 'n' R is, in fact, a crime lord. Even if I just added them to the recap myself.