Ed
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Cool To Be Kind

Ed and Carol are parked in Ed's car with their tongues conveniently in their own mouths. Carol's says that she's not going to lie: this is her first stakeout. She's made finger sandwiches out of cream cheese and watercress for the occasion. Ed's disgusted and says that on stakeouts, you drink black coffee and eat stale chips, not finger sandwiches. Carol's okay with this, and points out that she's brought some pretty pink binoculars. She then starts playing with them, and looking at Ed through them. When she looks through them correctly, Ed is big and close...when she turns them around he's tiny and far away. You know, for a high-school teacher, she seems pretty amused at life's simple pleasures. She keeps doing this until Ed looks like he'd just as soon strangle her as dry-hump her. He mumbles that he'd never know it was her first stakeout. They see George leaving his house. "Papa Bear's leaving the nest. Let's roll," Carol says in her most authoritive voice. "Are you going to talk like that all day?" Ed asks. "That's my plan," Carol replies. "I appreciate the heads-up," Ed smirks.

Ed and Carol follow George to a pond, where he sits on a bench and stares at ducks. Carol decides that he's either waiting for a drop-off or a pick-up. Ed thinks that maybe George is telling the truth. Carol insists that he's an international spy and a serial-killing drug dealer with ties to the Russian mob. During a mini-music montage of Ed and Carol sitting in the car bored to death, we see Carol's picking her teeth, then painting her toenails while Ed puts stuff in his teeth to make it look like he's missing teeth, hoping against hope that maybe this is what will finally win Carol Vessey over. No such luck.

After the montage, Ed tells Carol that he played basketball with her friend Dennis. She says Dennis is not her friend, he's an enormous ass. Ed says he's super-cool and dangerous, and that he reminds Ed of Nick, Carol's ex-boyfriend. Ed wonders why she's attracted to men like that? It was a phase, a stage, she says. Ed says that she's miserable with jerks like Nick, so why does she keep going back to guys like him? Carol thinks about it and says maybe it's because they're dangerous. Ed asks her if she thinks people can change who they are. She doesn't know.

Hours pass, as Carol and Ed have fallen asleep. Carol wakes up with a gasp and says, "We lost him!" Ed flips on the headlights and George is still sitting there, staring at the ducks. He's been there all day and hasn't moved a muscle. I'm betting he's dead. But apparently he's not because we're shoved into a giant batch of...

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Ed

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