Charity Cases

Episode Report Card
Uncle Bob: A | 1 USERS: A+
'Tis The Season To Be Clinically Insane

Ed walks into the Stuckey Bowl saying that it's beginning to feel a lot like Christmas. He tells everyone to gather 'round. Kenny, Shirley, Phil, and a stranger have a seat at the snack bar. Ed asks the guy who he is, and he says he's Fred Butts. Ed wants to know what Fred's doing there; Fred says that Ed told everyone to gather 'round, and he thought something might be going down. Ed tells him that he just meant for the staff to gather 'round. Butts says, "Oh," gets up, and walks away. Phil shoots Ed a look like, "Now, that guy was a psycho." Ed says he's come up with the perfect theme for the Christmas party. Phil says he's already come up with the ultimate theme: Christmas on Saturn. Shirley asks if they're talking about Saturn the planet or Saturn the car? Kenny scoffs at this ignorant suggestion and asks Phil what the difference is between Christmas on Saturn and Christmas on Jupiter? Phil scoffs back and says, "The rings." Ed tries his best to ignore his staff and continues: the theme for this year's Christmas party will be...charity. Shirley asks whether he means charity the planet or charity the car. Ed looks at her, and she says, "That was a joke." Ed informs them that they have to raise $100,000 for the Prescott Foundation in orderto keep it running. Shirley says she's in, and puts her hand out for everyone else to put their hands on top of hers. Phil's in; Kenny says he could use a Hail Mary to get him off the naughty list, so he's in. Ed tells them to let the preparations begin as the men walk away, leaving Shirley sitting at the snack bar with her hand still straight out in front of her, still waiting for that macho show of camaraderie that never comes when a woman starts the whole "I'm In!" hand thrust.

Good God. More commercials. Vanilla Sky is still a top-notch erotic thriller that has a surprise twist ending that every movie has had since The Sixth Sense made surprise twist endings mandatory. It's a shame the same concept can't be brought to television, so that every week on Ed, just as it looks like the show's about to end, Ed can start humping Nancy's leg while a naked Mike slowly sits on a plunger. Now that's an ending that would have the Ed forums buzzing all day.

Nancy's telling Carmella the nanny that they shouldn't be late from their bowling-alley Christmas party tonight when Mike enters the room, still a little hot from the whole "crrrrrumpet" incident. Nancy tries to tell him it was just a joke. Carmella hears the word "joke" and starts to spaz out because she has a joke to share: "Why did the bear cross the road?" she asks. Mike and Nancy are clueless while Evil Baby Sara is busy, quietly concocting a large dose of anthrax. "Because it was the chicken's day off!" she finishes, before bursting into peals of laughter over her joke. Mike and Nancy are finding it difficult to bust a gut over such a lame joke, so they grin uncomfortably which forces Carmella to try and explain the joke to them. Folks, there are few things worse in life than having a Mexican nanny try to explain a bad joke in broken English while you're squabbling with your mate. I guess maybe going blind from having bottle rockets shot at your eye sockets repeatedly for a few days might be worse, but other than that, I sure can't think of anything.

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