Ed
Charity Cases

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Uncle Bob: A | 1 USERS: A+
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'Tis The Season To Be Clinically Insane

When the party's over, Ed tells Prescott and Kapler that they're going to be very happy with the results of the evening. As it turns out, they raised...$107,452. I spit my Diet Dr. Pepper out all over my chest because there's just no way in hell they could have raised that much money in that town. Suspension of disbelief is one thing, but I'm being asked to approach this show with the mind set of a lobotomy patient. Luckily, Phil comes out and says, "What are you talking about Bossco? We didn't raise $100,000." Thank God, I think, as I mop up the DDP off my chest. Ed says that he saw Phil painting the thermometer thing up over $100,000. Phil explains that he just got caught up in the moment and wanted everyone to think that they were doing really good. Ed asks how much they raised, and Phil replies, "8,612.35". Ed stands there shocked for a second before Phil says, "I'm just tooling on you! We raised $107,452!" Dammit! There goes Diet Dr. Pepper all over my chest again! I wish these bastards would make up their mind! Prescott thanks Ed and says that even though he can't condone the methods Ed used to raise the money, that cockamamie story about the foundation going out of business was a good one. Ed goes to correct Prescott, but Kapler is standing behind him, silently shaking his head "no" as if to say that Prescott is so out of it, he doesn't even know he bankrupted his foundation. Ed smiles as Prescott and Kapler leave, Prescott calling Ed a rookie.

Outside, Carol's sitting on a bench in front of Stuckey Bowl. Molly goes outside and asks how she's doing. She says she's fine, but feels gypped for throwing Drunk-Ass a freebie. Molly admits that she likes it better when she's the one pretending to be fine. Carol confesses to Molly that she slept with Drunk-Ass. Molly's hardly shocked. Carol says she was wrong about him, which prompts Molly to say that it's better to find that out now. Better now than when? When he first moved to town? Hello, Molls, she's walking around with drunk-assed spermatozoa wedged up her crack. There is no worse time to find out the guy's a jerk than after you've been super slimed by the Drunk-Ass. Carol wants to know the final tally, and Molly tells her. "Giving is a feeling," Carol says. "Sometimes you just have to trust your gut." Molly points out that the key word here is "sometimes." They rise from the bench as Molly says, "You know what cheers me up at a time like this?" Carol says, "Six pints of Ben & Jerry's Triple Chocolate Crunch and a 14" battery-operated plastic dong?" Molly laughs, punches Carol hard in the gut, and says, "A ride on a mechanical bull."

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Ed

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