Meanwhile, at the high school, MegaMark and Warren are breaking into Molly's classroom to steal some of her Dexatrim for a cheap buzz. Sorry...that was a cheap shot and I'm really trying to cut back on the cheap shots in this recap because some of them are offensive. And I'm trying to be politically correct, in order not to offend the more sensitive readers of these recaps because that's what Mighty Big TV is generally known for: sensitive recaps for sensitive readers. Let's start over again, shall we?
Meanwhile, at the high school, MegaMark and Warren are breaking into Molly's classroom to steal her hidden stash of Crisco in order to grease MegaMark's hips down so he can squeeze into a toilet stall and take a twelve-pound dump. Actually, Warren is rearranging the seating chart so that Jessica Martell will be Warren's lab partner while MegaMark stands guard in the doorway and distracts any curious passerbys with his Megawheezing. Warren's plan is then unfolded carefully like a linen napkin: if he manages to get Jessica Martell sitting next to him all year long, she will have no choice but to succumb to the Cheswick Charm, dump the quarterback of the football team, and fall madly in love with Warren, at which point they'll run off to Hawaii where they will live happily ever after. Oh. And have lots of unprotected sex and make guttural sounds like retarded monkeys. MegaMark tells Warren that he's "incompetent," and then declares a snack time after that massive verbal workout.
At the bowling alley, the First Annual Halloween Bash and Road Apple Toss is in full swing as Kenny and Shirley greet revelers in their Sonny and Cher garb. Seriously, these two need to get a room. The sexual tension is so thick that you could cut it with a spork. As Molly, Carol, and Nancy walk up, they're greeted by Jim, the guy who left Molls hanging two episodes ago by not showing up at her birthday party. Molly makes introductions all around, and they ask what Jim's doing there. He's currently locked in a death battle with a pinsetter and took a short break to come out and drool all over Molly's impressive chest o' drawers. Carol and Nancy go inside and both give Molly a thumbs-up behind Jim's back while Jim desperately tries to make eye contact with Molly but is swayed by the magnificent Hudson Hooters. They exchange niceties; Jim asks how her party went and says he's sorry that he didn't show up. Molly, always on the defensive, asks, "You were invited?" Jim says that Ed had invited him, and that he just couldn't make it that evening because he was out whore-humpin'. Molly says there's always next year, and Jim says he won't make the same mistake twice. Apparently, he must have heard the pretty strong rumor that Molly got toasted and danced seductively for those in attendance or something, because Jim's acting like he missed the apocalypse. Kenny walks up to the couple; he tells Molly that he noticed she didn't come in costume, and that he and Shirley could really use a Chastity Bono if she were so inclined to help make their costumes complete. Which is a worse slur than anything I've ever dished to Molls on a silver platter. Chastity Bono is not only obese, but she's a staunch lesbian. Kenny basically insinuated that Molly is an obese lesbian. You see, people?! It's not just me lobbing painful accusations Molly's way. Her own damned friends are jibber-jabbering at her and trying to make her cry in public. Molly declines the offer, and doesn't even mention the hurtful accusation. Meanwhile, I just had four more emails sent in my direction claiming I'm a bigot. Tell ya what...let me cover myself in creamy vanilla frosting so you can all eat me, hokay?