Ends And Means

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Ends And Means

Ed and Kate stand outside the courtroom. Kate asks what's going on, and when they have to go back into the courtroom. Ed says that they don't, because they got the plea bargain. Kate hugs Ed because she doesn't have to go to jail. She asks Ed what he did. Ed watches the DA walk out, and then says that he's not proud of it. Kate asks what happened, and Ed says that he can't talk about it, but the important thing is that Kate is a free woman. Kate asks if she can take Ed out to dinner that night. Ed turns her down. Kate is surprised. Was she not paying attention? Kate leaves, dejectedly.

That night at Stuckey Bowl, the roast begins. Kenny walks up to the center of the head table. A bunch of kids are sitting at the head table, and the parents are sitting out in the audience. Kenny introduces Phil, who runs out and says, "Hey, Kenny. Paul Bunyan called and he wants his body back." Phil laughs at his own joke, but no one else does. Phil tells the kids that he needs "big showbiz laughs" on all the jokes. Phil asks the birthday boy, Dave King, if Stevie Wonder did his haircut. No one laughs. Phil introduces one of Dave's classmates, Howie. Phil makes fun of Howie's Dorothy Hamill haircut before turning over the microphone. Howie reads the jokes that Phil has prepared. The first is, "Dave, when you came out of the womb, the doctor slapped your mother." Everyone laughs. Howie continues, "But seriously, you are so dumb, you sit on the TV and watch the sofa." More big laughs. Ed looks around incredulously. Howie says, "When you fell out of the ugly tree, you hit every branch on the way down." Ed can't believe it's working. Phil hands a card to Dave, who reads, "Oh, yeah? You're so ugly that when you tried to enter an ugly contest, they said, 'Sorry. No professionals.'" People are falling down laughing. Ed smiles and shakes his head.

The gang cleans up after the roast. Carol walks in and asks what she missed. Ed explains that they roasted a nine-year-old. Carol says that it sounds "Stubbs-ian." Carol asks how Ed resolved his moral dilemma. Ed says that Kate got off, and Carol realizes that means that Ed blackmailed the DA. Carol thinks it means that Ed really likes Kate. Ed says that it has left a lousy taste in his mouth. Carol reminds him that he's an idealist who won't compromise. Ed tells Carol that there are some things that you can't compromise on, and some that you can. He continues, "New suit? Yeah. Dream house? Maybe. But the girl? You can't compromise on the girl." Ed walks away. Carol looks thoughtful, then concerned, and then smiles. Then she helps Ed picks up more trash.

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