A fat jock next to him tells everyone to mark the date and time -- Ms. Vessey finally stumped the brainiac. Clark speaks up and says that Frost was talking about the Sleep of Death, which is apparently right on the money. I feel foolish because I always thought the Sleep of Death was a pro-wrestling hold. Clark turns to the fat kid and says, "I'm sure you knew that, genius." Fat kid gets a little ticked and says, "Did you just call me 'genius'?" Nerd extraordinaire Warren Cheswick interjects with, "Yeah...but it was sarcasm. Y'see...he called you a genius, but you're not." Then Warren rolls off a hearty laugh at the fat jock's expense. Did I miss something while I was gone, or did Warren overdose on testicular fortitude, because the boy has suddenly got some massive balls when dealing with jocks. Warren gets reprimanded for picking on the dumb jock, and Carol gives Clark a look that practically says, "If you were ten years older and not my student, I'd be banging you like Lars Ulrich on a snare drum." Suddenly, this whole scene reminds me of a really bad Made For TV Movie with Helen Hunt as Carol Vessey, the teacher who seduced her students.
Thankfully, we move to another scene. Ed is at his desk in his office when Shirley walks in. She has something she wants to talk about. Ed invites her in and she closes the door. She sits down, quickly jumps back up like there was a jellyfish in her seat, and waits for Ed to ask her to sit down. Ed asks her to sit down. Shirley has come to a crossroads in her life where she would like to start doing something different. She needs a change. Ed's perplexed, which is common of most people who take the time to make sense out of Shirley. Shirley comes right out and says what's on her mind: she wants to be Ed's legal assistant. She has qualifications: she can make coffee and write things down. Ed tells her there's more to being a legal assistant than that. You have to be organized. Shirley says she's organized as she moves Ed's coffee cup slightly and brings up her acute separation of the bendy straws from the regular straws at the snack counter as proof of these amazing organizational skills. Ed didn't even know they had bendy straws. Phil bursts into the room and mentions that Ed's door was closed. Ed confirms Phil's statement and says that he's having a private conversation with Shirley. Phil takes this to mean that it's a secret staff meeting and says that he didn't get the memo on the meeting. Ed ignores Phil and tells Shirley that she can be his assistant for one week. If, at the end of the week, he decides that Shirley did a good job, she can keep the job permanently. Why do I get the feeling that Shirley's in over her head? Why do I have the mental image of Lucille Ball and Vivian Vance working on an assembly line with Lucy shoving chocolates into her mouth because the line's moving too fast? I'm tellin' ya...this set-up has all the makings for some classic comedic tour de force farce courtesy of Shirley. Phil tells Ed that he's "swimming with sharks." Phil reeks of jealousy. Or...that could be my feet. It's probably my feet.