Meanwhile, Mike has his nifty doctor suit on and is having a conference with a patient. The patient is claiming that she's "itchy." Mike asks where on her body is she itching. I smell a Vagisil infomercial coming on, but she says she itches all over. Suddenly, Dr. Jerome bursts in. Jerome wants to see Mike's diploma. Mike says it's on his wall. Jerome marches over to the wall and stares at the diploma, admiring the forgery of whoever scribbled it, saying it looks just like the real thing. Apparently, last week, a Mr. Gatehouse came into the practice with a blistering skin condition on his forearm. Mike saw him and treated him. Jerome questions the medications that Mike prescribed for him in words that are way too big for me to transcribe here. The bottom line is, Gatehouse now has a rash that would make the Elephant Man queasy to look at. Mike disagrees with Jerome's diagnosis of the problem and Jerome tells him that he isn't allowed to disagree with Jerome and calls him a "knuckle-dragging cretin." He tells Mike that he's been practicing medicine for fifty years and Mike's only been practicing since lunch. He tells Mike that he is a man, while Mike is a boy. He knows everything and Mike knows nothing. He exits the room, but pauses to tell the itchy lady that she's being treated by a talking horse.
I wish my boss were as nice as Dr. Jerome. My boss beats me in front of customers.
Back at the bowling alley, Shirley is setting up her desk as neatly as possible. Ed walks up and is checking out all her desk items including her No. 2 pencils. Ed says if she does a good job, they'll bump her up to No. 3 pencils. Shirley doesn't get the joke, but says she did. Carol walks in and says she needs to talk to Ed. Shirley says, "Mr. Stevens can't see you at the moment." Ed and Carol stare at Shirley and she says, "Mr. Stevens will see you now." Carol and Ed adjourn to his office while Shirley sharpens a pencil down to the nub.
Carol wants to know if a student can sue a teacher for giving him an unfair grade. Ed can't see why not. Carol explains the Clark situation and how this coach is screwing up the kid's chances at a scholarship by giving him a D. Ed asks if she's talked to the Coach. She says there's no talking to the guy; he has the I.Q. of a Pop Tart. The principal doesn't want to interfere with the coach's method of grading, and Clark's parents are too poor to afford college tuition, having sunk all their money into the XFL. Ed wants to talk to the coach. Carol doesn't think it's a good idea. Ed lapses into a stunning Sean Connery impression, reminding Carol that he's a "master negotiator." Shirley flies in the room and hands Carol a cup of coffee. Carol's grateful. Shirley hands her a candy apple to go with the coffee. Carol's dumbfounded.