Back in the bowling alley, Phil is interviewing a hot, HOT babe in a low-cut blouse. He says now that he knows the girl's major strengths (meaning her cleavage), maybe she could share her biggest weaknesses. She says she may be too intense and loses herself in projects. I know how that is. I got lost in the projects once and almost got shot. She also says that she knows all the state capitals except Nebraska. I'm guessing that's a great qualification for a snack bar girl at a bowling alley, because Phil is overcome with glee. Ed walks up and asks what is going on. Phil says he's interviewing people to take Shirley's spot at the snack bar. Ed says it isn't necessary but Phil says the place is hemorrhaging without Shirley there to man the snack bar. Ed says "no" and that she will not be hired. The girl looks dejected until Phil tells her that he's just going to keep conducting the interview anyway, and she cheers up as if she will actually still be considered for the position. Gotta love them brainless beauties.
Back in the gym, Coach Kerwin is explaining to his students that the fitness exam they're about to take counts as 85\% of their total grade and tells them to begin the exam. Lou Reed's "Perfect Day" plays in the background while we watch Clark struggle valiantly with every physical test laid before him. This kid is so pathetic he makes Franklin D. Roosevelt look like Hulk Hogan. He struggles for what seems an eternity to do a sit-up and then a chin-up. I've had birthdays go by quicker than Clark's chin-up.
Apparently Clark fails his exam, although this information is keenly edited out of the final cut of tonight's episode. Since we wind up in a courtroom, I make the educated deduction that Clark's parents have sued the Coach for giving their son a D. Ed sees Carol walk into the courtroom and goes over to talk to her. Ed says that Molly said that on a scale of one to mad, Carol is mad. Carol is visibly angry but tries to play it off. Ed tells her that this whole deal may be more black and white than she realizes. The case begins and Ed goes up front to sit next to Coach Kerwin. Clark is the first one on the stand. He says he gets A's in every single class except gym because he can't run the fifty-yard dash in less than eight seconds. He had practiced several times over the school year but it was an impossible feat for him. Clark says that the test given is discriminatory and rigged, which sounds peculiarly like the Academy Awards. Plus it keeps kids like him from getting a decent grade and going off to college on a scholarship so his parents can continue to be poor and blow all their money on lottery tickets. It's Ed's turn to cross-examine and Ed goes over Clark's grades with him. He asks if Clark thinks he deserves all those A's. Clark thinks he does. Ed asks if he thinks he's one of Coach Kerwin's best students. Clark says no. So Ed gets him to agree that he should then have a lower grade in Coach's class than any of the other classes. Clark agrees, but not a D. Ed agrees on this too. They tease toward a homosexual lip-lock but it doesn't come to fruition.