After five weeks of rest and relaxation, I almost forgot what it was like to write an MBTV recap. Then I remembered: it's one hour of intense television watching and furious note scribbling followed by three hours of agonizing over whether to use the word "shit" or not.
Ahhh...it's good to be home.
Ed opens with Mike and Ed waltzing down the streets of Stuckeyville. Ed asks Mike if he's ever eaten a peanut butter and bacon sandwich. Mike fights to keep his stomach down and tells Ed that his stab at creative cuisine is "disgusting." Ed says it's not as bad as it sounds and that the oil from the peanut butter mixes with the fat from the bacon, creating a taste sensation that Mike won't soon forget. Mike's not sold on the sandwich. Ed reminds Mike that if it weren't for him, Mike never would have tried the delectable combination of Sweet Tarts and Cheese Whiz. Mike agrees. Ed stops and looks across the street at a bus stop brimming with local Stuckeyvillians who are too lazy to walk around the quaint little village. Ed decides that these people deserve to see Mike Burton do the Snake Dance. Mike says, "No way," but Ed mentions the magic words, "Ten Bucks." Mike, taking a cue from Pavlov's dog, runs across the street, prepares himself, and then does a snake dance that looks more like he ate some bad sushi than an actual dance. He gyrates around in the street with his hands clasped above his head for the semi-amusement of the bus-stop patrons. Meanwhile, Ed enjoys the show from afar.
You know...it's a wonder that either one of these two morons have been able to sustain a successful career in this town. Let's face it, it's a small town and by now, damned near everyone has seen one or the other of these two guys act like an absolute mental case in public because of these "ten-dollar bets." I dunno about you, but I doubt seriously that I would use a doctor who got in my face at a bus stop and started doing a bizarre belly dance. Try that shit in my town, Mikey, and you're liable to get a cap popped conveniently in yo' milky white ass.
The opening credits roll, followed by commercials. You know, color me out of the loop, but you'll sooner find me filing my nails with a razor blade than standing in line to buy tickets for the film version of Josie and the Pussycats.
Back to the show. We're smack dab in the middle of Carol's class. Carol is reading some wack-assed poetry from Robert Frost aloud. I almost nod off from boredom, but she wraps it up fairly quickly and then asks the class what she just read meant. Had I been in the class, I would have raised my hands and said, "It meant our parents' tax dollars have been wasted on your salary, Missy." However, I reside in the quaint little village of Real Life while Carol's the Ice Queen of Stuckeyville. Hence, our paths rarely cross. Nobody wants to decipher Frost's madcap ramblings, so Carol asks her star pupil Clark to dissect the insanity. Clark, played by Martin Starr, the tall, skinny geek from Freaks and Geeks, lifts his head slowly and tells Carol he doesn't know what Frost meant.