Episode Report Card
Uncle Bob: B+ | Grade It Now!
Revenge Of The Nerd-Haters

I wish my boss were as nice as Dr. Jerome. My boss beats me in front of customers.

Back at the bowling alley, Shirley is setting up her desk as neatly as possible. Ed walks up and is checking out all her desk items including her No. 2 pencils. Ed says if she does a good job, they'll bump her up to No. 3 pencils. Shirley doesn't get the joke, but says she did. Carol walks in and says she needs to talk to Ed. Shirley says, "Mr. Stevens can't see you at the moment." Ed and Carol stare at Shirley and she says, "Mr. Stevens will see you now." Carol and Ed adjourn to his office while Shirley sharpens a pencil down to the nub.

Carol wants to know if a student can sue a teacher for giving him an unfair grade. Ed can't see why not. Carol explains the Clark situation and how this coach is screwing up the kid's chances at a scholarship by giving him a D. Ed asks if she's talked to the Coach. She says there's no talking to the guy; he has the I.Q. of a Pop Tart. The principal doesn't want to interfere with the coach's method of grading, and Clark's parents are too poor to afford college tuition, having sunk all their money into the XFL. Ed wants to talk to the coach. Carol doesn't think it's a good idea. Ed lapses into a stunning Sean Connery impression, reminding Carol that he's a "master negotiator." Shirley flies in the room and hands Carol a cup of coffee. Carol's grateful. Shirley hands her a candy apple to go with the coffee. Carol's dumbfounded.

Ed shows up in the gymnasium and the Coach says, "The chickens have come home to roost!" and calls him Earl Stevens. Ed corrects him on the name. Coach remembers him as a sucky basketball player and wants to know what Ed wants, but in a fairly nice way. Ed's there to talk about Clark. Coach says Clark's a good kid, bright student, blah blah blah. Ed says he got the impression that the Coach didn't like Clark, and Coach gets defensive, saying "What? The big dumb coach can't like the smart kid?" Ed tells the Coach that if Clark gets a D in P.E., it's gonna screw up any chance he had of getting a scholarship to college. You can't penalize the kid for life like that. After all, he's shown up for class every day -- shouldn't that count for something? Coach says Clark's going to get the grade he deserves. Being there every day counts for something, but the Coach wants Ed to answer a question: What if a kid shows up for math class every day and tries his best but at exam time, he gets every question wrong? Should that kid get a B because he tried? Ed says they're two different things and that some kids just aren't cut out to do chin-ups. Coach agrees and says some kids aren't cut out for math class...it's a cold, cruel world we live in, and some of life's biggest lessons are best when taught early. Coach tells Ed that he's given this whole deal a lot more thought than Ed has...aaaand his new friend Carol Vessey. Ed's left tongue-tied and stupid by Coach's reasonable defense.

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