Ed
Exceptions

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Revenge Of The Nerd-Haters

Back in court, the prosecutor is asking Carol what kind of student Clark has become. Carol gushes all over the courtroom, trying to worm every single positive superlative into the deposition. She's asked if she thinks Coach Kerwin's grading system is fair and she says no. Ed is asked if he'd like to cross-examine her and he says no. Just as quickly, he turns around and says yes, and slowly walks over to the stand where the sexual tension is thicker than a New York phone book. Ed asks Carol if she's ever socialized with the Coach. She says no. Does she intend to spend time with him in the future? No, not really. So you don't know him very well, do you Ms. Vessey? No, she doesn't. So how can she say he's jealous of Clark? She can just tell. And that's enough to testify against this man in a court of law...that she can "just tell" what kind of coach he is? Carol tries to defend herself by saying that Coach Kerwin is one of those discriminating gym teachers that favors the jocks over the geeks because they're different than him. Yet...as Ed points out...Carol is discriminating against Coach Kerwin because he's different from her. Carol looks dejected, somebody hollers "objection!" and Ed announces he has nothing further. He slumps back into his chair and kisses his one-way ticket to the Vessey Valley of Ass-Humpin' Love goodbye.

Back at Ed's office, he's talking to Molly. Ed's trying desperately to brainwash Molly into seeing that he's doing the right thing here: Coach Kerwin's a good guy who just wants to keep his job. Molly says that he's holding a very smart and gifted child back. Just because Clark can't run fast, that shouldn't keep him out of college. The gym grade should be based on attitude and perseverance, not how fast you can run or how many sit-ups you can do. Granted, this argument is coming from Molly, so take it with a grain of salt and a bag full of Quarter Pounders with cheese. Molly tells Ed that Carol's mad. How mad, Ed wants to know. Molly says, "Take the word 'mad' and add about ten thousand 'very's in front of it." Ed blames the rift between him and Carol on the whole Bonnie Hane thing. Ever since he slept with Bonnie, things have been different between him and Carol. He thinks they have to find their footing again and asks Molly what to do. Molly says that she wants Ed to take this in the best way possible, but Einstein was put on this earth to discover the theory of relativity; the guy who invented Kraft cheese was put on the earth to individually wrap cheese. She's not sure what she's been put on this earth for, but it certainly isn't to be the go-between for the greatest relationship of our time. I thought she was talking about Romeo and Juliet, but she was referring to Carol and Ed. She informs Ed that she has her own life to live, which revolves mostly around Oprah repeats and ice-cream sandwiches. Molly adds that when Ed boinked Bonnie Hane, it even gave her the heebie-jeebies.

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Ed

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