Commercials fly all up in my face. A couple is primping in a bathroom when the lady drops an earring in the toilet. The man scoops it out without flinching and hands it back to her. And then we find out the commercial's for Norelco razors. Color me stoopid, but I don't get the connection here. If you have a man who's dumb enough to stick his hand down a dirty toilet to retrieve an earring you purchased from a guy on the street, you're supposed to reward him with a Norelco razor? What the hell do you do if he slaps a couple of multiple orgasms your way? Finance him a condo on the beach?
Back at Warren's swingin' pad, Warren, Diane, and Allison are hanging out. The clock strikes four, and the phone rings. Allison picks it up; it's Fozzcat. He says that he's received a card in his locker telling him to call this number at 4:00. Allison says she doesn't know a Fozzcat and tells him to tear the ticket up because Mr. Cheswick is throwing a private party for VIPs only. Fozzcat tries to explain that he's the captain of the football team, and Allison relents, telling him to be at the Stuckey Bowl at 8:00. She hangs up, and Warren is practically delirious from glee. He says this is going to be the social event of the season. Allison asks Warren if he knows what exclusive means. He says he thinks he does, and she says, "Tonight, you'll learn."
Ed goes to speak to Mr. Gordon, the father of the kid who wanted to be Abe Lincoln but ended up portraying Slave #3. Mr. Gordon works in a model-train-supply store. Ed asks to speak to him. Mr. Gordon says that if Ed's here to talk about the case, he can forget it, but that if he needs model train supplies, then he's come to the right place. Ed completely ignores this request and starts talking about the case. Ed needs Mr. Gordon's help. Mr. Gordon admits that he doesn't think that Bancroft is racist, but he did send his son home crying. They come to the conclusion that the only bigot in this entire episode is Mr. Crane, and Ed needs Gordon to get on the stand and testify against Crane. Gordon gives it some deep thought. No answer -- just deep thought.
At the Stuckey Bowl that evening, Allison is out front with two big burly bouncers and a velvet rope. All the cool kids from high school are in line waiting to get in. As they get to the front of the line and give their names, Allison shoos them away, telling them they're not on the list. Meanwhile, a gleeful Warren and Diane are watching through the blinds in Ed's office. Ed walks in and says that when he was a kid and had a party, he actually had people at the party. Warren says, "Riddle me this, Boy Wonder...when is a party not a party?" Ed doesn't know, and Warren says, "When it's a publicity stunt!" and then does his best Frank "Riddler" Gorshin chuckle, which sounded more like Roseanne choking on a turkey bone. Warren thanks Ed, letting Ed know that he's Warren's "dawg." Ed always looks stiff around Warren. It reminds me of my relationship with my in-laws. Except there's never near the amount of vomit on Ed. Meanwhile, Fozzcat and Jessica make it to the front of the line. Fozzcat tells Allison that he's Fozzcat, and she asks, "Is that your first name....last name....what?" He looks embarrassed that somebody doesn't really know who he is, so Jessica steps in with her snippy "I'm Jessica Martel. I'm a friend of Warren's." Allison looks at her clipboard and says, "Nope...sorry." Fozzcat pulls out one of the cards and says that he found this in his locker. Allison says she doesn't know what that is, and that they're not allowed into this VIP party. Warren practically creams his jeans watching this take place and grabs Diane, kissing her on the cheek. Diane looks grossed out and says, "Gawd, Cheswick, get a grip!" But as the camera lingers on her, we catch the longing look shining toward Warren. There you have it, kids. This "experiment" is not to unite Warren and Jessica -- it's to allow Diane to sink her claws into Warren. And there's the reasoning behind her actions. You read it here first, kiddies. That is...as long as you don't read the Ed forums.