While Mr. Mustachio takes the pop quiz, Phil senses something going on in the bowling alley. What is it? It's the future of American bowling, wrapped up in a young teenage boy, played by Samm Levine of Freaks and Geeks fame. Yep, the same kid that warbled Billy Joel's "Big Shot" a few episodes ago is back as a bowler. Phil runs over to the young man and says, "Well I'll be a beefsteak tomato...what's your name?" The kid replies, "Kevin Schwartz." Phil counters with, "Not anymore it's not. From now on you're Shazam...Jacobson."
Phil automatically latches on to the kid and announces himself as Shazam's new trainer...his sensai. Phil asks the kid why he's not in school. Shazam says he's on lunch break. That's when Phil lays down the rules. Rule #1: stay in school. Rule #2: stay off the pipe. At this point, Phil grabs the kid's arm and checks it for needle marks, asking Shazam if he's been "chasing the dragon." Shazam, along with several hundred thousand other viewers, has no idea what that means. Me? I laughed until I choked. The third rule dealt to Shazam was simple: never question the sensai.
While Phil is harassing teenage bowling phenomena, Ed gets to the mayor's office and is confronted by the mayor's secretary who has a voice like someone clawing their way out of a coffin with a rusted fork. The secretary tells Ed to walk on into the mayor's office. Ed opens the door and is confronted with a nude woman, which is pretty much par for the course in most mayor's offices nationwide. Ed spots the mayor at a canvas, painting the young woman. The mayor explains that he paints nudes to pass the time since being mayor of Stuckeyville ain't such a high-pressure gig. The Mayor wants to sue the publishers of the Guide to Small Town USA who have been giving Stuckeyville three-star ratings for the last several years. In the mayor's eyes, three stars equals "average." Plus, the guides keep referring to Stuckeyville as a "cute, quaint, totally unremarkable hamlet," which seems to irritate the Mayor. The Mayor's idea is simple...sue the publisher and keep the book out of the bookstores. Coincidentally, the book is scheduled for release three days before Election Day -- the first election in which somebody has the gonads to run against the mayor.