There has never been a single bigger letdown in the history of storytelling unless you count my recap of last week's Ed.

Ed's as deflated as the Hindenburg. Judy is as impressed as Gary Coleman's last girlfriend. Mr. Wilkes is as clueless as Joey Buttafuoco.

Back at the bowling alley, Phil is training Shazam to become the bowling god that Phil knows he can be. He's telling his protégé to "become one with the ball." And with that, Phil starts doing somersaults down the alley and slams into the pins, just as Ed and Judy walk in as a last-ditch effort for Ed to show Judy something of worth in Stuckeyville. Judy's still not impressed, even as Phil does his sexy dance at the end of the alley in celebration of his full-bodied strike. We then get a few hundred words from the show's sponsors.

Ed walks into the mayor's office and asks to see the mayor. The secretary with a voice like a tree shredder says he first has to help her with her crossword puzzle. She needs a seven-letter word for "Tiny TV Tot." Ed blurts out "Webster." She's so impressed she promises to make him a key lime pie with extra broken glass. Ed opens the mayor's door, and a nude man is posing on the floor as the mayor paints him. The mayor excuses him, and Ed scrubs his retinas and walks in. The mayor is in a groove so he asks Ed to resume the naked guy's pose. Ed squats down like he's Hercules, and they begin talking. Ed admits he's having a hard time impressing Judy with Stuckeyville's appeal. Everything seemed so much more special in the town when he was growing up and now it doesn't. The mayor begins a lengthy speech about how he's an artist, but his paintings are crap. His canvas is the town of Stuckeyville. And he thinks it's a masterpiece. He announces that Ludwig is ahead in the latest Stuckeyville polls and tells Ed that the town needs him. This makes Ed feel like Batman, and he agrees to keep trying to think of a way to impress Judy.

As Ed leaves the mayor's office, he sees Judy packing up her car and getting ready to be underwhelmed by the next town. Ed insists that she stay or else she'll miss it. Miss what? Ed, in his infinite wisdom, says that she'll miss the Festival of Ducks. This sounds about as appealing as a cable car ride in the Alpine Mountains to Judy, but she agrees to stay.